This is one of those movies that I thought was something else. There's some movie where Kevin Bacon turns into Capri Sun liquid or something, right? I used to watch that all the time when I was a kid and wanted to rewatch it as an adult, and I thought that was this. It wasn't. HOLLOW MAN! That's what that mess is called. I used to watch that all the time when I was like, seven lol, and would be extra creeped out. Hollow Man and that movie with the big sand worm. Lol is Kevin even in that? Idk, but I've been stanning for K-Bake since I was like a baby. He seems hella unproblematic. I'm sure he's insane, like all the rest, but he has that cute nose and literally has never made me feel uncomfortable for him while watching one of his movies, lol, so he gets an A-okay from me. Please don't tell me anything weird or wrong about him, I will kill you!
Now :) Let's talk about this movie Flatliners. Without looking up any information about it, including who was fucking in it, or why I cared. Okay it has...Kevin, the bae...uh, Julia Roberts, and curly haired Julia, when you can kinda see why she became a movie star maybe...Kiefer Sutherland, whose fucking name is Kiefer, uhhhhh...fucking one of the Baldwins. Too lazy to look, but the hot one I think. Lowkey, Alec the hot one to me? He thick and angry, so. Also has anyone seen NewTCM lately? It's awkward, but Alec's thick ass is a good fit, I think. But tell me why David Letterman's ugly ass was tryna drag Alec for saying Monty Clift was handsome? UM, HE WAS??? David Letterman a hater. Anyone who like, does a talk show is a hater. Who wants to interview people? He just mad that if Monty Clift was alive he'd pay his old ass dust AND OMG WHY CAN'T I FOCUS?!
So!!! Kevin, Julia, Kiefer, one of the Baldwins, and...that fat dude. Smh what's his name. Oliver Platt! They're all...doctors. Or doctors in training, maybe? Sure. Kiefer I think is doing an experiment about death. Trying to see if he can revive people if they die? His experiment is LITERALLY INSANE. I might be remembering it wrong, but it definitely at least involves him putting WHOLE ALIVE HUMAN BEANS TO DEATH and then resuscitating them. I think he wants to know what people see in ~the afterlife~? Which is so weird for like a doctor to care about? Or was that his goal? Because I remember him ignoring when Kevin and etc were complaining about the weird shit happening to them after they were resurrected? I think his goal was less like spiritual and more...idk. But not necessarily trying to talk to God or whatever.
So FOR SOME REASON, these doctors like participate in this experiment and no one is screaming at the top of their lungs about having to get put to death and trust their fellow doctors to bring them back alive? What? These niggas are crazy. They deserve what happens to them after they visit the afterlife, ngl. So what happens? They die and go to hell or heaven or somewhere in between, and when they come back to life, spirits and shit is haunting them. But it's like...I guess their past sins, or things they feel guilty about that haunts them and the haunting doesn't go away until they confront it.
So Kevin's character, for instance, is being haunted by some little black girl. And I was about to side-eye this movie extra-quick for having some mean black girl bully, but it turns out that Kevin used to bully her when they were kids. Kevin's character is like a ~good guy~ so he immediately finds this woman whose beedabees he used to flick his fingers at on the playground, and apologizes to her for harassing her when they were young. I woulda told his skeletor looking ass to keep on, but it was an almost sweet scene with him and his former victim. So okay Kevin makes amends and his haunting ends.
Kiefer's character, conversely, is a douche. So his haunting is similar to Kevin's, in that he's being haunted by a kid he used to bully, but because Kiefer is a pos, he's getting his ass torn up and yanked out non-stop. Which is...hilarious. Like, this ghost boy is beating the shit outta Kiefer with wrenches and shit lol. Turns out, Kiefer and some kids were harassing this boy when he was stuck up in a tree. Or they harassed him up into the tree. Either way, someone throws a rock maybe and the boy falls from the tree and dies. It was weird...how when Kiefer was telling everyone what he'd done, they were tryna act like oh you were just a kid, it was not your fault, blah blah. Um, so, and yes it was?? Your actions were directly responsible for that boy's death. Shouldn't've been bullying his ass. I forgot if he was able to get rid of his haunting, but know I don't care if he was, because he was a douche and he has a big head.
Julia's thing was that her father came back from war when she was a kid I think and killed himself. He was a drug addict in between that? She blamed herself for his death, which was a suicide. Um, I thought Julia's one was weird, because in no way was she responsible for his suicide? So it was weird for her to be getting haunted by him in like an ominous way. But it kind of ended up that she got to have a last goodbye with her dad, which she didn't get when she was a kid. So that was sweetish.
The Baldwin had a weird one. Not as bad as Kiefer's maybe? But maybe? He'd been violating women by secretly recording them while they had sex. So he had all these tapes of these woman. Oh, and also he had a fiancé. So he's a gross womanzier and kinda rapey lowkey, so he's getting haunted by all these woman talking shit to him. Does he ever make amends. Lol I can't remember, but his fiancé def breaks up with his ass. Was that his amends?
I don't know! I don't remember how the movie ended, but I remembered mostly liking it as a whole. It had a good atmosphere. And kept me interested the whole way through, despite more than occasional corniness. It's like some early nineties movie, so that's to be expected. But this was pretty good, with an interesting story. I should ~review~ movies I barely remember more because I am being way too nice. This movie was probably hot garbage. But maybe not. I kind of wish this was a TV show. I mean, not now. It'd be shit now, but if they had expanded this back when it was made and I could binge it on hulu or netflix now lol. Like ER meets X-Files with a sprinkle of Twin Peaks. Maybe. I mean, it's not gonna happen so idk why I'm even thinking about it. But I really liked the dynamics of the doctor squad in the film and felt it would be cool to see their stories spread out over a longer time period? But again, not gonna happen, and NO, don't want that in this day and age, PLEASE DON'T PUT THIS ON TV IN ANY WAY. (Unless maybe Bryan Fuller does it???)
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