or this
or standing like this
while wearing glasses like this
and wearing those glasses while being cunty like this
the entire time???? And then, yeah, when HE FUCKING DIES, I'm totally over the movie at that point?? Right?? lol Do I only super-love this film because of Anthony Perkins and only Anthony Perkins? Um, yes. And...so what??? He's amazinggggggggggggg. But also when he's not on the scene there's some other stuff to laugh at to keep me occupied while mourning his absence. So, should this post be about all the non-Anthony things I liked about this movie? NO, FUCK NO.
I think I'll just go the ~traditional~ route (in the spirit of the storyline of this stupid movie?!?!?!?) and just, ugh, recap...the...movie.
So, Diana Ross plays Tracy and she's like a designer and maybe she works as a pattern sewer or something like that? Or, she works at Bloomingdales...dressing mannequins. I love how I've seen this movie like twelve gadillion times and don't actually know. ANYWAY, HER DREAM IS TO BE A DESIGNER. I think. Right? omg. I think she goes to like a fashion school while also working at Maybe Macy*s. It...doesn't matter because soon she's being wooed by Billy Dee Williams and he's some asshole politician and asshole politician's don't need no wife with like ambitions and shit, so Tracy can forget about all that Apex Technical Fashion Design School bullshit and working as the bitch that puts panties on mannequins at Maybe Nordstrom.
Except, Tracy doesn't forget about it. Anthony Perkins' photographer character Sean shows up and starts working with Tracy. I think he sees her designing some mannequins and asks her to assist him with his shoots. And he's so ~white artiste~ about it, incorporating all the poor black people from the neighborhood in his high fashion shoots. His potrayal of this photographer dude is both super ridiculous and inappropriately on-point. And I love everything; all of it. Somehow, for some reason, Tracy ends up on the other side of the camera, as Sean's subject. Possibly at some point she's swanning around like a peacock, drapped in bright yellow (canary???) curtains??? Anyway, Sean asks Tracy to go to Italy with him. But Billy Dee Williams (Brian) is like I NEED YOU TRACY. To...help me...hang up signs???
Just imagine Billy Dee Williams as this
the entire time and never feel bad for him or ever be on his side. LIKE, EXCUSE ME, TRACY HAS DREAMS, TOO. Omg when he tells her about his fucking dinner and how he needs her to be there and she's like "You know I have class" and he basically is like "My shit is more important than yours". UM. Pause. Are we really supposed to, like, ship these two?? Brian is a fucking dick. And he doesn't care about anything Tracy has going on in her life. And it's not like this bitch is talking about a nail art design career or Instagram modeling or some shit like that. She has, like, legitimate goals that she has a real shot at achieving. And what the fuck is Billy Dee Williams even doing? Standing outside berating construction workers and getting cans of soda thrown at his head? LOL OKAY, YEAH, LET ME STICK AROUND HERE FOR THAT MESS INSTEAD OF GOING TO ITALY AND GETTING MY FASHION ON. Righrighririrightrriiiiiiiiight.
So the night Brian expects Tracy at some dinner event thing, she dips out to Italy to go work with Sean. But not before going to Brian's campaign headquarters and telling his friend that she's leaving. And I feel like the friend sort of tries to shame her for leaving. WHY DOES NO ONE IN THIS MOVIE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT BRIAN IS A SELFISH DICK?? I feel like, maybe low-key it's hinted at, BUT THAT EFFORT IS COMPLETELY CANCELLED OUT BY THE MOVIE MAKING IT OUT LIKE TRACY'S SUCCESS DOESN'T MATTER WITHOUT A MAN IN HER LIFE, SO.
And, jesus, what the fuck is up with the men in Tracy's life? She has Brian, who has possibly better hair than her; Sean, who is possibly gay, but definitely a sociopath (unrelated?); and that other dude. The French one. Um, does he maybe almost rape Tracy? If not, he definitely sort of expects her to fuck him for letting her live in his house and paying her medical bills and also paying for her fashion line and stuff. OKAY, SO, MAYBE THAT'S NOT REALLY RIDICULOUS. LIKE, SHE COULD AT LEAST GIVE THIS NIGGA A HANDJOB; MAYBE TWIRL A FEW OF HIS PUBES AROUND HER FINGER?? But seriously, this movie has an accidentally terrible view of men. And I'm depressed for Tracy that these are her only options. If it were me, I'd pick Sean every time. Because I'm into that abusey stuff, maybe? I mean, I have a lot of problems, so. But it's telling that I wouldn't pick someone like Brian, who is possibly worser than Sean? I mean, HE HAS A PERM. I don't think I could ever pick a French dude. They're too French-y. Am I Frenchist??? Francophobe??? No, like, I think French dudes are hot. But do I want to go half and half on a condo with one? NO. I won't get any of their jokes, and I'll never ever feel comfortable eating a hotdog in their presence. I'd eat a hotdog in Sean's presence, for sure. I'm hoping he'd want to photograph me eventually violently shitting it out a few hours later (because, let's be real, it's a chili dog, and it's not only one).
Wow, what is this? What am I doing? I've veered way the fuck off. What happens after Tracy gets to Italy sigh. I like the moment when she gets out of the taxi and is trying to figure out how to tip that guy and he takes an extra bill out of her hand and she takes it back. That was funny hah haha ha. haaaa ha
So Tracy becomes a huge model. Named Mahogany. Sean gives her this moniker. And his explanation is creepy and weird and fetishy and REDFLAG.ORG. But Tracy--Mahogany--is super-successful and looks super-cute and glam at all times. But also she's having a difficult time, I guess with being alone at the top, and not for anything she actually cares about. Like, great, she's a huge top-model, but she really wants to be a designer. So of course she starts trying to push her designs using her clout as a model. And Sean is all like LOL, NO. omg, any scenes with Sean trying to shoot down Tracy's design thing is sooooo fucking funny even though he's actually super horrible and I should be aghast at his behavior. Like omg when Tracy comes out on set and is wearing her own design.
This^ thing. And I loved this shit. But Sean has an attitude because she's supposed to be wearing some other shit and how dare Tracy come out here with that mess AND SUDDEN NECKPIECE SNATCH. HE JUST SNATCHES THAT NECKPIECE THING OFF HER DRESS WITH ZERO CONCERNS FOR HOW FLIPPY HE APPEARS AND HOW OVER THE TOP RUDE IT IS TO BE RUINING A DRESS AND HOW NO ONE EVER DOES THAT EVER. YOU DON'T SNATCH A BITCH'S DRESS APART. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A MAN. AND ALSO ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A DECENT, LEGITIMATE HUMAN BEING LIVING ON EARTH. OH MY. FUCKING. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD.
It's truly a beautiful moment tho. And I also loved when Tracy is modeling in that show and comes out in her own horrible design
and everyone is laughing (deservedly so), but no one more so than Sean. Who, the--oh, there's like an auction thing, right? And Sean bids first and it's for like five dollars or some hilarious shit. HE IS SUCH A CUNT I CAN'T BREATHE. Who does that? Isn't Tracy your friend, Sean? LOL AREN'T THEY FRIENDS??! He is sooooooooo mean I love him plz never die.
OH WAIT. NO. NEVER MIND. BECAUSE HE DOES. BECAUSE THE MOVIE KILLS HIM OFF PROBABLY FOR REALLY HORRIBLE REASONS I DON'T NECESSARILY FEEL LIKE ADDRESSING RIGHT NOW LOL. Like, lol, let's just pretend they didn't kill him off because he was obviously gay. And, like, a caricature of a gay. And a photographer. And a white person lol. Can.not. will not.
Do I want to address that scene where Billy Dee and Anthony are, like, tussling? lol no.
Here's a blurry pic of it instead! No...no need for...any...words. Ugh, this movie is so obvious.
So after they kill Sean off for preferring the brown eye over.........ugh. Tracy--oh, right. So, she has to heal from the accident because she was in the car with Sean when he tried to kill them WHICH IS ROMANTIC AS FUCK, BUT WHATEVER, MOVIE. The French dude, who played that guy in Lili who didn't fuck Leslie Caron and weirdly turned out to be way less creepy than the main dude who we are supposed to presume will fuck Leslie Caron who is like twelve years old in that movie?!?!?!? Um, anyway lol. The French dude puts Tracy up in his house and she heals and then he pays for her to have a sweatshop and lol she's like berating her workers. ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TAKE FROM THIS THAT TRACY NEEDS REAL LOVE IN HER LIFE SO SHE DOESN'T TURN INTO FUCKING HITLER? ugh.com/stopbeingsoobvious.
Tracy becomes super successful as a designer but she's not happy because ugh. Like, are you serious, bitch? You're super rich and successful but you're sitting around moping about fucking Billy Dee Williams and his Just For Me-sponsored coiffure??? PPLEAAAAAAAASSSEEEE SPARRRRRRRE MEEEEEEEEEEE
The French dude is all like "fuck me now for payment" and Tracy obliges but not really. Like, he's ~making his moves~ on her but she makes her body go limp and gets all corpsey so he stops. And then the dude is like "you don't really want to do this, do you?" HMM, WHAT EVER GAVE YOU THAT IDEA???? Then Tracy is all
For why????
For this^.
No.
NO.
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