So, should I even mention the Globes wins? Eh. I was excited for Ruth, but the show winning as a whole? No. But as I said in my embarrassing ~I took notes while watching the Globes~ post, I haven't seen any of the other nominees in the category. Like, I'd totally buy The Affair is better than House of Cards or Game of Thrones or whatever because those shows look even more try-hard than The Affair. Or, oh...is the award for most try-hardiest? Then, yeah, The Affair win was totally an upset I bet.
So, I have a lot of problems with this show. I must mention, though, that this was one of the few shows (new or old) last year that I was watching, like, ~on time~. I don't watch anything when it actually airs, I typically wait for later to watch it on OnDemand. But so many shows I've been taking like weeks and weeks to catch up on their episodes and then oops they've already expired and now I can't watch them unless I unfreeze my Hulu account which I definitely need to do because Hulu has k-dramas and regular TV doesn't and that is what hell is. But, ugh, ANYWAY. I was excited about The Affair. I was watching the episodes pretty quickly after they aired. I was...into it. But the longer it went on the more I was like: siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. This is one of those annoying shows that thinks it's way better than it actually is and...that's embarrassing. Because I'm just watching it distracted by how deep or insightful or some shit they think they're being when it's like: um, no. So many things that were supposed to have all this relevance I'm just like: Is this, like, classy Lifetime??? Like, is this that movie Leann Rimes did when she met her soulmate 4ver Eddie Cibrian? Is that this, except recast with British actors for some reason doing totally not really that good ~AmERiCan aCCent$~????
Remember when Alison told Noah about how her kid was dead and it was supposed to be like ~a moment~? I felt, while watching that scene, as dead inside as that kid is...outside. and inside, also. IT WAS SO FORCED. And omg before that when Noah was like to Alison: YOU WEAR YOUR PAIN ON YOUR SLEEVE. Um, yeah. YEAH. And how it was framed like he ~sees her~~~~~~~~~~~~~REALLY SEES HER~~~~~~~~~ VOMIT. I think that was the same episode and those two moments really stuck out to me as being super-bogus and I think that's when I started being like: *tilted head at all times* at the show. And that was like episode 3. And I was fighting my hate for a while. Until I think whatever episode it was when the summer ended and Noah and his horrid little family went back to the city. After that I was like, UGH, END ALREADY.
I hate all the characters. Well, maybe not Alison. I'm...I was rooting for her. But in that Tiffany/Tyra Banks sort of way. But the whole time it's like....Alison, why do you like Noah? Like, no, seriously. You're married to Joshua Jackson, who is super hot and has face scruff and you have that cool beach house and your kid is dead so you don't have that to worry about. You're livin' the dream! What does she actually see--CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE DIFFERENT VIEWS THING. HOW NOAH AND ALISON REMEMERED THINGS SO DIFFERENTLY IT WAS ALMOST LIKE ONE OF THEM WAS ACTUALLY MENTALLY INSANE (noah). What was that? It started to get real ridiculous in later episodes when they were remembering entirely different fucking events. Like, the last episode right? Where one remembers Joshua Jackson pulling a gun on himself AND THE OTHER ONE DOESN'T RECALL THIS AT ALL??? WHAT?? How...how does that work? Like, I think Noah remembered JJ threatening to shoot him. But Alison remembered JJ threatening to kill himself?? WHO JUST REMEMBERS ENTIRELY WHOLE BIG MAJOR DIFFERENT THINGS LIKE THAT HAPPENING? no. nonononnonon. No.
(how does this turn into a shotgun plz explain)
So that was dumb. But let me get back to talking about how much I hated everyone except for maybe Alison. Noah and his entire Holocaust but in family form can go drown in a fire. Like, the wife, the...there were two random ~quirky~ little kids who thank god barely had any screentime - they can definitely die. The older son, whom I so deeply wanted to have a Getting Molested storyline - he could die just from that pretending to hang himself bullshit from episode 1 alone. AND THEN REMEMBER WHEN HE LET THAT HORSE GO?????? Fucking---I'll forgive him if it turns out he was being molested. IS IT JUST ME OR WERE THEY HINTING AT THAT???? BY THE GRANDFATHER, RIGHT?? omg. And that daughter. The writers...they were really pulling out all the stops here, I guess. Maybe...one of them has a daughter but they're too conservative or whatever to kill her. Like, we're not in Florida, you can't just kill your kid. Anyway, the daughter is...awful. It's almost comical. And what makes it even worse is how, like, doll-ish the actress is. It's very Patty McCormack in The Bad Seed maybe? Eventho Patty Mc looked like a goddamn devil, she also looked like one of those dolls. You know the ones. Those. Actually, now that I'm thinking about this, I wouldn't mind having a show just focusing on the daughter. She's a mess, and possibly that's interesting?? Maybe. Ugh, I'm totally watching season 2 even though I hate absolutely everything and apparently Noah and Alison end up together and Noah gets his book adapted into a shitty movie starring probably like Henry Cavill or some shit OH GOD MAKE IT STOP
Separate paragraph for my Noah hate? I'm biased, because I sort of hate Dominic West. Hated him in The Wire, hatedhated him in The Hour (and ooooh boy @ him getting a Globes nom over Ben r u fucking kidding me); hate him in this. I don't know what it is - something. His face? I don't. His voice, the way his lips move? He's off-putting to me and I just can't get into it. Would I have liked this more had maybe Joshua Jackson played the Noah part and Dominic played Cole? Maybe??? I'm not like a JJ ~fan~. I don't care about him. He actually might actually be a not even good actor. But...I feel like if you're trying to sell me a ~great romance~ that starts building on the foundation of fucking infidelity, you're going to need to give me two leads I can really get into and ship. You did not give me that here. JJ would have been an improvement for me, but there are tons of other actors you could've paired with Ruth, who I have no criticism for. Who would be my dream-cast for Noah? Someone...less smug-looking. But I guess you sort of have to have that look for the role of like a dude who thinks he's got The Next Great American Novel in him and is slumming it as a teacher. uuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggghhhhhhh
I just, hate everything. No, the theme song. I love the theme song. I wish this show was maybe just all Fiona Apple songs while Ruth Wilson is standing on the moors or whatever staring out mournfully towards the sea? OH MY GOD REMEMBER WHEN THEY TRIED TO PULL AN EDNA FROM THE AWAKENING AND HAVE ALISON FAUX-ATTEMPT TO DROWN HERSELF???? puh-lease. This show is so fucking try-hard I can't breathe. AND THE, LIKE, B-STORY PLOT ABOUT DRUG SMUGGLING OR SOME SHIT???? Alright. Someone take Hagai Levi's crayons away. It's past his bedtime. And that other one. There's a woman, too lazy to look it up. But I think they were both responsible for In Treament, which is another try-hard as fuck show. But...it's at least interesting. This show, when I'm not raging over how annoyed I am, might be really boring???? Well, save for whatever the fuck is going on with Mare Winningham, who sort of quietly killed it? Yes to whatever she's doing and much more of that in seas 2, which like I said, I'll be watching because I have no self-respect. And more Elvin from The Cosby Show pretending to read Infinite Jest. Can he get a spin-off? If you do that I'll forgive you for everything else. Who...who am I talking to??
(no, hug me. I've earned it. I wonder if Diane Kruger said exactly this after JJ forced her to watch all ten eps of this mess. Prob.)
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