Lovin' Molly (1974)

lol okay what was this movie? The only reason I watched this was for Anthony Perkins, who is my mother. I love him and will, UNFORTUNATELY, watch any shit he's in. Like, so unfortunately, because most of his movies are trash, including this bullshit I'm writing about now, Lovin Molly. 

So, like, I had no idea what this movie would be about. I just knew Perkins was in it, so I watched it. HONESTLY, like honestly, had I'd known he'd be like, a fucking "cowboy" in this, I probably wouldn't have watched it lol because spare me. Please. Like

LOOK AT HIM

LOOK AT HIS FIGURE. LOOK AT HIS BUTT IN HIS COWBOY JEANS. PLEEEEEEEEEEEAASSSSEEE

Me, too, Tony. Me. too. 

So really this movie is about some bitch named Molly, played by Gwyneth Paltrow's mom, who is like some free spirit hippie sort, but like set in The Dust Bowl era, I think? Like the movie starts out probably in the thirties?? Idk, I wasn't paying attention. I just know when the time jumps forward and the characters get older, the year is 1945, so I think when they're younger it's in the thirties. Anyway, Molly is fucking like every dude in town, including two bros named Gid (-_-) and Johnny, played, respectivelyish, by Anthony Perkins and fucking Beau Bridges. They're playing brothers.

THEY LOOK SUPER RELATED. Also, Hollywood knows Beau has an actual actor bro, right? Like, they couldn't have gotten Jeff?? Anthony was so out of place here lol like it was really awkward but okaaaaay like who cast this movie but okaaaaaay. You didn't have to hire Jeff! Like, shit, idk Burt Reynolds, like literally anyone else besides Anthony Perkins what were you thinking I...I just... Like, I love him SO MUCH but omg noooo just nooooooo at him in this movie lol pleeeeassee

Anyway sigh, Gid (-_-) is, I guess, the older (-_-) brother and like responsible and all about farming or whatever. And Johnny appears borderline retarded. He has like one of those haircuts--I'm SO MAD I didn't screencap his haircut. Let me see if I can find a pic of that shit online sigh lazy sigh. Ugh, I can't find it. I want to die, it looked so stupid. So Gid is the responsible older one and Johnny is the younger dumb one with no purpose in life. They both are fucking Molly, which is weird as heck. Like, they're just sharing her? Um, okaaay. Like, it appears only two women live in this town: Molly, and Susan Sarandon, who has like twelve million kids. And I'm guessing Susan is the town semen receptacle, or was for a while before Molly glo'ed up into adulthood and now she's coming (ha) into her own terrible reputation sigh idk. 

Gid wants to marry Molly, but she's all I NEVER WANT TO BE MARRIED. Okay but then like two seconds later she marries some random dude. ?????. But she keeps fucking Gid, and Johnny, too, I think? And then she's saying how she wants to get pregnant by Gid but she's still married to that dude????? And Gid is just like "lol yeah we'll raise a child!" except...she's still married to that dude?? And also Gid got married to the town's semen receptacle??? So, they're both married to other bitches, but having a kid together????? And then I guess Molly's husband dies and so she gets knocked up by Johnny????????????????????????????????????? And then fast-forward some years and Molly and Johnny's kid dies in action, and the kid she had by Gid is over at war, too. But he's pissed at them because he found out that other dude wasn't his real dad blah blah but this doesn't even matter because he gets killed in action, too! Yay. And thennnnn...Molly and Gid are together grieving his death, which means they're fucking?? But Gid is all sad, like, "I don't want to do this anymore" and Molly gets pissed that he's cutting off the d. But he leaves her and stays away for a while but then turns up again with a puppy in his shirt,

signifying he wants to resume giving Molly that dick. But Molly sort of rebuffs him, likening herself to someone hiding all the booze from a recovering alcoholic I guess???? Good to know you're self-aware enough to compare the powers of your vagina to...substance...addiction. ????? 

AND THENNNNNNNNNNN I don't know, here's some random screencaps I took

This was when Gid was just straight-up peeing on Johnny <.<

REMEMBER WHEN MOLLY WAS LIKE "LET'S GO SKINNY DIPPING AND ALSO FUCK" AND GID DIDN'T WANT TO?????????? <.<

REMEMBER WHEN GID LEFT THE ROOM FOR 2 SECONDS AND MOLLY FREAKED OUT LIKE "WHERE DID YOU GO?!!?!? DON'T EVER LEAVE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!?!!?!??@" ??????? lol he left the room to go lock the house door and shit so no one would walk in on them fucking I guess but literally he was gone for 2 seconds this bitch is crazy but nice hair tho

Older Johnny was so ugly. Does this pic properly capture the dunce nature of his character?? 

What about this one???? Yeah, I think you get it. 

Here are some screencaps out of context and unexplained.

lol remember when the doc came in and like gruffly barked at Gid to take a nap and Gid was all "I'll go to sleep when I'm sleepy!" and the doc was like "YOU COWBOYS ARE ALL THE SAME - THINK THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU!" lol it was so unnecessary, and what sort of bedside manner? Like, why are you barking at people lol this isn't the army nigga fall back 

Remember when Gid died????? lol

Remember when...

Johnny was in, like,

blackface??????????? And, like, most importantly, wearing a fucking nightdress???? WHAT IS

Idk, man.