I hate when I think I'm going to love a movie but then I end up bleeding internally instead?? Or, I mean, end up not liking it, like at all. This movie is...I hate it. It's super-hateable and it made me almost dislike Miles Teller who is already standing right on that fine line between charming douche and just-a-douche douche. His character in this movie is a fucking piece of shit obnoxious ass trash rat who catches this little baby deer and takes her in and proceeds to try to ruin her fucking life but this movie is trying to be like "lol young love, right?"
Um.
When I read reviews for this I thought it was going to be like...Shailene's character would save Miles' character from the brink of teenage alcoholism, by loving him blah blah YA novel garbage blah. That sounded appealing to me because sometimes I'm into that sort of Sarah Dessen novel ass shit. However, this movie wasn't really that at all. Miles' character, who has the douchiest fucking name in Sutter, is obnoxious and rude and sort of insensitive and ~popular~ and he's always carrying this fountain soda cup around full of booze. Which, for some reason, took me forever to realize. Like I knew going in that his character was an alcoholic why am I like inquiring why he's like continuously sipping on Mountain Dew Code Red the entire film? It's booze, you dummy. But prob poured into the Mountain Dew Code Red, let's keep it real.
So SUTTER is an alcoholic and he's one of those types who doesn't want to leave high school because he thinks these are the best years of his life blah or he's scared of responsibility (me too tf) and blah blah I really don't care about teenage douchebro problems. Like, what even is Sutter's damage? His mommy works late? His daddy abandoned him? Lol like try harder, please. How common are you? Oh and...he had this perfect, beautiful amazing relationship with Brie Larson who's supposed to be playing a teenager but she looks very much not a teenager but she broke up with him because she thought he was cheating blah blah next. Like, oh you think your fucking high school relationship is so amazing omg the end of the world romeo and juliet status?? All I saw was a montage of red solo cups and you jumping in the pool but okay, I guess you guys are Brad and Angie or some shit and Sutter you're definitely Brad Pitt like you could've gone pro had you kept playing baseball.
Shailene's character Aimee wakes Sutter up when he's passed out on some random lawn and I'm immediately, right away, like sigh. 1. She knows Sutter's name but he doesn't know hers. And she's all like "You probably wouldn't know who I am" annnd you're right, bitch! He doesn't! But he makes it worse by pretending that he does? Do people really not know people who go to their schools? Like even if you're ~omg sew popular~ you see the other nerd ass, irrelevant kids, right? Like in the halls and class and stuff?? Idk, maybe their school is really big sigh. 2. Aimee is sweet and unassuming and I hate how eagerly she gives herself over to Sutter, who couldn't really give a shit. Can't wait for the rest of this whole movie!
I really hated Sutter for a lot of things and so I'm just going to talk about that lol. This movie was trash and I don't feel like recapping/remembering everything that happened because I am still healing from watching it. I won't ever get those almost two hours back. I hope a better movie comes and cleanses me soon. Find me better movie, and erase this shit from my skull space.
Things I hated about Sutter!
-How he treated Aimee. He did not care about or love her and I refuse anyone's opinions who think he did. Why would he give her that flask, get her into drinking? Like why are you trying to lower this already low self-esteem having ass bitch to your no self-esteem having ass level? Why are you so dismissive and hurtful and rude and just so careless with her? Why, when you finally have a moment of self-awareness, do you take that time to yell at Aimee, who is trying to be there for you, make her get out of your car in like the middle of the fucking highway, and then be directly fucking responsible for her getting clipped by a truck? Hmmm?.?? Wtf is your actual problem? Sutter's entire "courtship" of Aimee made me so mad and I just wanted it to stop stop fucking stop before it even began. Like when they were at that gathering with all the red solo cups and he's trying to talk to his ex but she disses him so he goes and cockblocks some dude trying to chat Aimee up because oh, well, his ex isn't into it so Aimee's next on deck? HA TE. Hate even more that Aimee is into it. This bitch has no confidence/nothing to live for and it makes me sad and uncomfortable. Though it got a little less so later in the movie when she decides to ignore her mom and go to college and it's like yes get away from all these horrible fucking people in your life, like especially Sutter idc if he "encouraged" you, pretty sure he was just tryna get in them jeans. OMG AND AT THE PROM HE WAS BEING A DOUCHE AND OMG AFTER AIMEE GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND WAS IN THE CAST AND HE THOUGHT IT WAS COOL TO JUST POP BY THE HOUSE AND SHE WAS HAPPY TO SEE HIM WTF AND THEN LATER WHEN SHE'S WAITING FOR HIM AT THE BUS STOP AND HE'S JUST DOING A SLOW DRIVE BY WATCHING HER SAD LITTLE FACE CALL HIS PHONE PLEASE I HATE THIS MOVIE AND SUTTER SO. FUCKING. MUCH.
-What was Sutter's deal with Cassidy? 1. Why is Brie Larson like 28 at high school? 2. What is up with her new dude's hairline?? Why were Sutter and Cassidy acting like they had some great love going on when 1. they are in fucking high school and 2. they don't have great anything? Cassidy's acting like if Sutter would only be a little less Sutter, if maybe he'd be Sutt, or Utter or some shit, they could really get things going. And Sutter is dumb and saying things like "Fuck college and my future and stuff! All I need is my shitty job at that store, my mountain dew code red with ciroc by p.diddy vodka in it, and you babe <33". OH-KKKAY. And then Cassidy is like "I NEED A FUTURE!" like screaming in his face, as if they aren't in high school, and she prob won't even remember this nigga in three years but okay. Their whole mess just made me cringe. Because I just don't fucking care about high school romance lol it's irrelevant! ~Falling in love~ at seventeen doesn't matter! Red solo cup weddings aren't a thing!! WHO CARES?! Why does Cassidy have to yell about needing a future? Um, duh, you're going to college. Whether Sutter was a less Sutter-y version of himself or not, like even if he changed for her, they still wouldn't have ended up together because this is fucking high school and none of this drama is even remotely necessary. So Team Sutter for sipping on his mountain dew code red vodka in lieu of giving a shit. Team Sutter just this once.
-Sutter's attitude towards his mom. Eyeroll. A mom can't keep her kids away from their father, I refuse to believe these sort of tales. I'm sure a lot of times there's a separation with a couple and then the mother doesn't want the dad around and makes things difficult, but physically keeping a child from seeing his father? No. If a dad wants to see their kid, they fucking will and I don't want to hear any stories. Also, make better decisions about who you decide to have children with so you don't have to complain about these things happening to you on like the The Steve Wilkos Show or some shit. But the mommy keeping the daddy away from his children is not even what's happening here! Sutter's dad is a loser douche piece of nothing gutter rat, who, obviously, has no interest in playing daddy. He didn't want to father. But before we even meet Sutter's dad and find out his story, I knew Sutter's attitude towards his mom, blaming her for his parents' separation and the dad leaving, was totally out of line, and without base. I knew this because when she complained about Sutter not picking up her nurse uniform, even though she asked him to, and Sutter had a dismissive attitude, I knew that he had no fucking respect for her, and so of course would immediately jump to blaming his mother for everything bad that's happened in the family, instead of seeking to view all sides of the situation. He was so horrible to her, and I think it made me feel worse than how he treated Aimee. Like when he showed up to his mom's job like "No wonder he left you" when she wouldn't give him the dad's number - like. Why can't he see she's keeping the number from him for good reason?! And IF HIS DAD WANTED TO TALK TO HIM, WHY DOESN'T HE CALL SUTTER? I just. I don't...I hate him. And I don't even....I'm not sure I'm entirely supposed to? Like the movie gives him little moments where we're supposed to see he's secretly good-hearted or something?? Like when that black dude comes to the store and Sutter gives him advice for how to boyfriend Cassidy and the black dude is all "You know, you're not like how everyone thinks you are Sutter" which is rude lol and also entirely untrue. Sutter is totally surface and the only reason he gave you that advice for Cassidy was because two seconds prior you were fin to kick his fucking ass. But ohhhkkaaaaayyyy.
I'm done and tired and want to go home.
Never forget: the true star of this film. R.I.P.
I took this because Shailene putting her hair up in a ponytail was like the best thing about this movie and I want to die that I didn't even capture it properly.
Remember that leaf that was tryna cockblock? I'm sad it failed.
Oh this was that moment when Cassidy yelled I NEED A FUTURE or whatever, implying Sutter couldn't provide her one. In response he just sipped his mountain dew code red sponsored by ciroc. Beautiful. Maybe this moment was worth suffering through all the other ones, but lol no jk burn this movie. Burn it to thenfuckinf ground.
This was when the token black dude with his afrika bambaataa ass hairline busted up into Sutter's job like WHAT'S GOING ON WITH CASSIDY?? Um, why don't you ask Cassidy?? I'm annoyed they have this black dude rollin' up like he bout to do something but instead he started cryin' about how he's not as "fun" as Sutter and Sutter's like "nah, man, you're cool! You're the class prez and you started that charity!" What a fake ho, this movie is trash.
I loved Aimee's friend just totally not having it with Sutter. Just check no'ing all over that ass. Good. The one character in this movie with some fucking goddamn sense. Read himmmmmmmm.
These random extras and their faces when Aimee was talking about her dad's suicide. For some extras, they were really giving me a lot. I love extras who give more than required of them, which is nothing at all.
I tried to cap Aimee getting clipped by that car, but God wouldn't let me. Fuck you, God, you dick.
Rq: Kyle Chandler as Sutter's loser dad was so good, right? Like he totally embodied the deadbeat dad spending all his time in the bar wearing that same jean shirt that smells like cigarettes and depression every day spirit. He really transformed, so bravo. But also, you're dumb. Putting in that good performance for what? This worthless mess? What a waste lol you idiot
In conclusion, this movie is bad and if you think it's good you probably also really love Diet Coke and candy corn. You probably saw that movie Draft Day, like, in theaters. You watched the first episode of Friday Night Lights and didn't cringe and continued to watch, for some reason, more episodes. The Walking Dead is must see TV. Dear John was just as good if not better than The Notebook. You listen to Big Sean. You only wipe once after you take a shit and you don't even check the tissue. You're like, really impressed by Banksy. You put flavored shit in your water to make it more palatable. In conclusion, you are wrong about everything, and don't know fucking shit. Can this movie be remade into a kdrama or something so the cheesy/badness would actually fit? And everyone would be so much cuter and it'd make it easier to ignore all the shittiness. Also the main character would have to be addicted to like soju or some shit and that's just so much more adorable. I am not a koreaboo I swear! But...I know the term...so...
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