-I liked that the movie was ~different~
-But at the same time it was a typical movie about angsty white man problems. Like...oh, you're a washed-up actor trying to revive his careezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
-I love Michael Keaton, though, so if you're gonna sort of bore me with your middle-aged white man bullshit, definitely be Mr. Mom while doing it
-I was here for the ~call-outs~ at other actors who do/have done superhero movies: Fassbender, Renner, RDJ. I especially loved when Riggan's manager dude was like "Who?" @ Jeremy Renner. It was so sad, and yet so beautiful. Do you think if Alejandro Iñárritu ever asked him to be in a movie he'd turn it down out of pride and respect for--LOO,OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLL
-Thumbs down to Emma's Stone like YOU'RE OLD WE ARE THE FUTURE scene. Especially when she's saying things like "You don't even have a Facebook page!" and setting up Twitter accounts and shit for Riggan and saying how ~going viral~ is power in like a completely serious way. You're an oldhead, too, Riggan's daughter. And also you have severe brain damage from all those crack drugs you were doing, which is probably why you think it is important in any way for someone to have a fucking Facebook page. People like Riggan are just the type to be on Facebook earnestly these days, so the fact that he isn't, actually means he is taking steps to veer away from irrelevancy, not towards it. And telling someone they're not important? Um, rude. You're not important. But I guess you know that which is why you did all those drugs and are trying to bang Edward Norton when way hotter Naomi Watts and Andrea Riseborough are around. Why aren't you trying to bang them? It is because you have no self-respect. Probably you have a Facebook page.
-Sorry for shading you a little bit up there, Eddie. I like when you turn up in movies these days. You were totally blacklisted from Hollywood (in the white dude sort of way which means you still get cast even if you fucked a thousand cancer kids), so it's fun to get reminders that you still exist. I also love your character asking if Riggan would replace you with Ryan Gosling. I love that you know Ryan Gosling has completely replaced you in real life. It :') warms :') the hole :') where :') my heart :') should be :') but instead :') there's just :') pigeon :') bones :')
-Also can we talk about how no one respects Naomi Watts??? She delivers every time and her AmeRiCAn EAGLE SOUND$$$ ACCent is primarily flawless - what's with the lack of love? You gave Emma fucking Stone a nom over Naomi? Lol, since when?????!!? Look, I like Emma Stone and don't really want to talk shit, but do not nominate her for acting awards. You can nominate her for being ~cute and adorable and quirky and haha sooo funny~~*~ awards, but do not nominate her for awards that honor achievement in acting. Especially not when Naomi Watts is in the same movie smh.
-And are people really out here trying to disrespect Andrea Risebourough as well?!?!!??! WHAT IS GOING ON?!!?!? OOOH now I just realize I would have loved this movie if it was about a washed up woman actor instead of a man. I know it sort of was already done with Opening Night (a slightly way better movie, btw), but I'd be here for a ~remake~ of sorts using an actual washed-up actress of today. That would be lit. Also, Michael Keaton is maybe too likeable for this sort of story. You should have planted someone really cringey like Sean Penn or Russell Crowe in this mess. It's a mistake to have a likeable actor play this, I think. Idk idk
-That being said, I though MK was really good. Who deserved that best actor Oscar, though? I still haven't seen The Theory of Everything, so idk if Redhair's performance was better than Keaton's. But was any performance better than Carell in Foxcatcher??? Hm???????????? Did any of these niggas have a prosthetic nose???? Hm?? Idc if Redmayne had to contort his limbs - so what?!??! A few yoga classes and you're good - spare me!!
-Wait - what am I doing?
-Idk man
-What was happening when Riggan was ~hallucinating~? I thought when he "flew" off that roof, it meant he'd killed himself. But apparently he got in a cab?
-Okay and then at the end of the movie when he "flew" out of his hospital window I thought he had definitely killed himself that time but then they showed Sam, like, looking up into the sky with wonder in her eyes? Sigh please kill me
-What do lilacs smell like? Is that the same thing as lavender? No, right? I thought it was funny Riggan couldn't smell them. HAHA IRONY? Right? That's irony? Or?
-I was annoyed when Riggan pulled off his face bandage and he didn't have Kevin Bacon's exact nose.
-What a hugely missed opportunity
-I can't believe Kevin Bacon exists, he's so great :')
-I would totally watch a Birdman-type movie with K Bake. That's my new nickname for him. Do you think it works? I swear if he dies before K Bake really catches on I'm...going to be really sad. Kevin Bacon is an institution and I actually am connected to him if you play the six degrees game. But I guess the point is that everyone is. Sigh, I'll never get to smell him, though :(
-Probably for the best. Because if he didn't smell like actual bacon I'd fucking scream for ten hours straight right in his face
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