War Dogs, an Over-Umbrage of Aviator Shades & Whyt Boi Douchebaggery(2016)

I didn't know this movie was directed by Todd Phillips until the end, but when his name popped up I was like "oh". Makes sense. 

It was like The Hangover meets...some movie about running guns lol. I didn't feel too much of anything after the film ended. When I went to see this in theaters (why), initially I was the only one in the theater. Which was cool that is very my aesthetic. Then some dude came in and it was just the two of us watching this mess. It was very apropos for some reason. 

I don't go to the movies a lot because I am 1. poor and 2. lazy. Dreadful combo. But also 3. a lot of movies are bad?? Like not good?? Lol and it's like...I have no problem waiting for them to get out of theaters and be put on Netflix or cable or whatever and watching these pieces of shit at home. I am in no particular rush to see, like, Sausage Party, you know? So KINDA WEIRD how I went to see this mess. Like an actual literal sausage party. Or a sausage...idk...meeting. Not really a party with two dudes. And then the sausages in question belong to Jonah Hill (can you even imagine his penis) and Miles Teller (let's not). 

Anyway, I lowkey stan Miles Teller. Probably shouldn't! Isn't he from Kansas or some horrible place? He prob racist. And a douche. Remember when he did some Esquire interview or some shit and was douchey and the writer wrote he was douchey and Teller responded in a douchey way, sort of confirming? But this is my boo! Sigh.

Anyway the real star of this mess was Jonah Hill and I don't know even why I stan Miles cuz he stay taking the back burner supporting actor role to literally everyone in every movie. Like, even in The Spectacular Now when I feel he was supposed to be the lead? lol, sad. 

I go back and forth on Jonah Hill. I been checking for his fat ass since Accepted when he did that girly scream in the trailer for the movie and that was literally my sole reason for wanting to see it. And it was the best part of the movie and then soon after he was in #iconic Superbad and I've been stanning while forcing vomit back down my throat for some time. NO, NOT STANNING. I do not stan him. But I check. I check for this bitch, and I WANT TO DIE!! Thanks!!! 

So lol this movie is a lot of offensive, questionable things but very mild in those...respects? Does that make sense. While watching I was kind of wondering why this was even made. I guess I can see some boring dude like Todd Phillips reading the story of these real-life dudes and thinking it'd make a good movie but it's like...these are some lame white boys. No matter what they did...scamming the government, providing ammo for really horrible wars??, they're still, at the end of the day, lame white boys. Lol like?? It's 2016, no one cares about white boys anymore. I mean, did my bitch ass go see this mess in theaters? Yes but only because I don't care about my life or living. But people who do care about being alive don't care about chalkhead dudebros anymore and these movies need to cease. This film was not particularly interesting, and it certainly was not necessary. Don't get me wrong, it had its moments.  But...are we to have such low standards that "It had its moments" is an acceptable review? The answer to that is yes. When is War Dogs 2?