Unnatural (2015)

Um, in what world would all the Native Americans die before the whites in the case of a mutant WOLFBEAR on the loose? 

Well, okay, I guess you could reason, the WOLFBEAR is man-made, not a natural occurrence. The wolfbear was made by evil whites, in particular Sherilyn Fenn, who has a really great Evil White face. So okay, I can get behind that logic. Maybe the Natives would be able to defeat a non-genetically modified bear, but they are no match against some hormones-enhanced, probably not paraben-free wolf stitched haphazardly into a bear mashup beast. Fine, but spare me that James Remar's character would be like the best candidate for survival. I don't care how long he's been hunting in some random mountains, he is white. And not a spicy white like Jason Momoa, okay? Just a regular degular one. Though he was Samantha's match on Sex & the City, and she was even more alarming than a wolf bear, something maybe a lot of people would describe her pussy as??????? And that would be the nicest descriptor. Anyway, I've gone off track. I'm glad. This movie was bad and I don't feel like talking about it :')

So whatever, James Remar, Q'orianka Kilcher (Pocahontas bae. Is that offensive? Probably.), and...some dude named Nate, live in some cabin out in the middle of snowy ass nowhere. I don't know why, I just know they don't have proper electricity. A character doucheily asks Q'orianka's character later in the movie why they live out there and she's all like "You'll never understand". Okay bitch me neither, tf!

Anyway, some photographer dude, his two models and his assistant are coming out to the cabin to do a photoshoot. Sigh. 

1. Why were there like all these weird ~sexy~ shots in the movie? lol, it's cold and I want to see nothing but snowboots and sweaters. How dare you have bitches in this movie skimping around in bikinis? This aint Spring Breakers, bitch, get this shit out my face! One of the main appeals of watching a movie that takes place in a snowy setting is that everyone will be cozied up. But I guess the creators felt this movie really needed some jutty-ass model hipbone all in my eyeballs. Just, everything to do with the ugly ass photographer and his mess was mad lame? A movie just with James Remar and his squad would have sufficed? And then that way the Natives could have had more screentime?? JUST A THOUGHT! 

So whatever, the wolfbear kills one of the models during their photoshoot lol. Then, SMH, Nate got killed off-screen??? THE FUCK YOU MEAN?!?! lol what. He was reminding me of Hanzee from Fargo seaz 2. Like, I thought he was gonna go the fuck in for the rest of the movie? But he just got eaten by the wolfbear offscreen? lol smh, what the fuck even was this movie?? 

So then whatever, Sherilyn Fenn turns up. Didn't ask her to, but I guess this is happening. This whole movie is happening, so why not? Blahblah, basically Sherilyn is a scientist who works for some governmenty science place, doing nature shit idk. I think Sherilyn's excuse is her science place was trying to figure out a way to make polar bears not be an endangered species or whatever? So...they fused one with wolf dna or some mess and it went blitzo. 

Remar suspects Sherilyn's character is shady, prob cuz of her shady ass face, but he isn't able to confirm until he finds a tape recorder of her discussing what her and her geek/evil government science friends are experimenting on.  

Couldn't care less. Especially after they killed off Q'orianka. I was completely over it. This movie had potential, because 1. wolfbear, and 2. political commentary about...whatever lol. Government sciencey shit, idk. The movie had potential, but I felt it was trying too hard to appeal to white people, pretty much. Or like, idk? White teen boiz, specifically? Is that the target demo? It completely never fucking should be.