Notorious (1946)

Why are people always going on and on about Casablanca when Notorious exists? Are they similar and is this fair? Kind of-y and yes. They both have Ingrid Bergman, they're both black and white films (smh), and they both have to do with...international espionagey type ish? Tbh, I 100% forgot what Casablanca was even about, but I will never forget how motherfucking DRY that shit was. 

Notorious extra-wet! (Please take my blog from me, I am begging you!!!). This is lowkey an almost perfect film, no? Yes. First of all, I love Hitchcock. Not everything he's done (I ignore most of the Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly collabs), but when he gives me something, he really gives me it. Even the films of his I don't like--for instance, Vertigo--have a lot of intriguing elements and I love how he experiments with a bunch of different styles and filming techniques. Def a special director. I also appreciate him giving Cary Grant something to do for once. I love Cary Grant. But he's like always playing "Cary Grant"? The Devlin role isn't even a turn-up type of role, but it was def a deviation from the roles that made CG mad famous. And this might be my fave Ingrid role? It's between this and Autumn Sonata. She's mad vulnerable and charming in this. In Sonata she's horrible and like, Swedish. Still can't decide. 

Wait, let's get into this though smh. So Ingrid plays a woman named Alicia Huberman. She a thot!! Oh, and her dad is some schemey...idk, international...mafia-type war criminal?? Girl, idk...anytime I watch a movie like this with like spy stuff and big bad rich guys or whatever, I zone most of that out and focus on simple shit like shipping the main characters, even though I don't too much know what all is going on with them. Such as with Notorious. But look: I have seen this movie roughly 12,000 times. Still have no idea. Maybe Alicia's dad was a communist. This movie has an awkward scene where Dev plays a recording of Alicia speaking to her father and Alicia, German or some shit, goes on some prideful spiel about how pro-American she is, and how she will never betray this country to aid her father in his, I guess, anti-American schemes. It's so extra lol.  

Ok so Alicia a ho whose father is a terrorist I guess. Devlin is a judgey ass FBI or CIA type dude assigned to recruit her to help them in pro-American FBI or CIA type schemes. I guess!!

Why is Devlin so judgey of Alicia's thottish ways? lol. That's such a huge plot-point...but we don't even see Alicia ever thottin it up. We barely get a good suggestion of her being a ho. But even if she let the whole of the USA run through her German ass, why Devlin care so much? Then he be side-eyeing her drinking lol. But like, even more, why Alicia care so much about what Devlin, a man she barely knows, thinks? I guess cuz they auto fall in love but because they come from such divergent parts of life there's like all this resentment and jealousy for whatever reason? Idk, but their chemistry is lit.

OK. Alicia's father is sent to prison for his possibly terrorist acts, blah blah, Dev recruits her for an assignment in Brazil? to nab one of her father's business associates. They think Alicia will be the perfect person to infiltrate because 1. she a ho, 2. her daddy and that connection, and 3. she a ho. The CIA/FBI type outfit Devlin works for wants her to ~befriend~ this dude named Alexander Sebastian, who...was maybe in cahoots with her dad? CAN WE AGAIN go over how I have seen this movie 200,000 million times and have NO IDEA what is going on or why they want Alicia to do what she's doing??? WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE SAND?! Lowkey? I feel like Hitchcock was like imma write a ~sexy spy thriller~ and just make random shit up but because I cast Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman everyone will be distracted and won't ask questions. WRONG! (Nah, mostly right. Moving on!!) 

So Alex is played by Claude Rains. I believe this is the first Claude Rains movie I had ever seen. I love him now, but for years I hated him because of this movie. He's so...snivelly and creepy to me here. i.e.: master class acting, obvi. 

Alex has had a crush on Alicia prob since she was a little girl with his creep ass, so when Devlin and co. throw Alicia in his path, it's a go from jump. Can we talk about how by the time Alicia hooks up with Alex, she and Dev have a full blown romance already going on? When Dev initially recruits Alicia, he's not aware exactly what her assignment will be. (Right). Then he finds out his boss wants Alicia to twerk on Alex's d til he spills all his commie criminal secrets. Dev gets all upsetty because they're asking his bae to bend over and spread her buttcheeks atop Alex's head and colonboard him into confessing his misdeeds. But he barely protests? 

When Dev tells Alicia what her assignment is, she asks him if he came to her defense, saying something about how Alicia, a ~changed woman~, would never do something like that? Dev says how he figured it was up to her to decide. I see both sides? But I lean more towards sympathizing with Alicia because Dev is so...hard with her. Like damn chill!!! He be going the fuck in lol, like, chill out!!! Do you love her or nah?! lol, like, enough. When Alicia says later how she wouldn't have taken the assignment had Devlin told her he loved her just once, I believe her. But ah well!, he doesn't, fast-forward to Alicia smashing Alex for like 3 seconds and he get sprung and ask her to marry him and now she got to live with him and his creepy ass mutter. Nice job, Dev! Weigh! 2! Geaux!! 

So right away weird shit is going on @ Alex's crib. There's a dinner party and one of the guests, Emile?, gets upset over the sight of a wine bottle. Fast-forward to him getting offed lol. I love the guy, I forgot his name? Joseph? The way he was talking about how he was gonna kill Emile was so funny, and how he alluded to doing this sort of thing before, but last time he twisted his ankle? Please.

Fast-forward 2 Dev and them telling Alicia to find out bout that wine. She has to get the key to the wine cellar. Never in my fucking life would I be doing all this dangerous shit if it wasn't, like, completely mandatory?? Which it isn't for Alicia?? It doesn't even make sense why Alicia is doing any of this? Her father was the one being called to account, no one was checking for her in that area, so I don't understand why she feels she has to work for the American Spy People? I could see if it was in exchange for her freedom or a lighter sentence, but there was no sentence and she was already free?? If you tell me this binch did all this cuz she thought Devlin was cute, then...fine. Fine. That's...sigh, a good enough excuse for me. Moving on! 

Alicia gets the key and then arranges to have a party at the house so Dev can come over and they can rummage through the wine cellar. Alex doesn't want Alicia to invite Devlin because he thinks she's in love with him because her doofy ass could not be more obvious about it. However, Alex, far doofier, accepts her excuse that she's inviting Devlin to rub her ~happy marriage~ in his face and get him to ~get over her~ once and for all. Smh. Writing this movie out makes it sound mad dumb (it is lowkey) (but mostly I am mad dumb, so a mad dumb person writing about something, anything...) 

So! Alicia and Dev are digging through the wine cellar and shit and find some of the wine bottles filled with sand. (Uranium? I don't know!!!!!!). CAN WE TALK ABOUT how Devlin's thick, clumsy ass knocked that wine bottle down? NIGGA ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO BE INCONSPICUOUS?? Making mad noise! And his dumb ass mistake get Alicia almost poisoned to death! Smh

But blah blah Dev rescue her at the end. lol, why did I skip all that with the poison and party and glorious scene at the end when you can see Joseph fucking READY to kill Alex. He just looking for an excuse to get rid of his ass lol. Everything from the party, to the poisoning, to Alicia making her illness look like she was drunk to Devlin, to her realization that she was being poisoned, to Dev getting worried about her absence, to him swooping in to snatch her up and the way Alicia is looking at him so happy even though she is half-dead, to Dev saying she'll never get rid of him again, to Alicia saying she never tried to, to them walking down the stairs, to Alex taking FOREVER to look like he was pretending to assist Dev with Alicia, to Devlin shutting that fucking car door on his ass, to the movie ending, is perfection. This whole movie is perfection, really, if you ignore mad non-sensical shit and don't ask why Alicia would put the key back when it was obvious Alex would notice it was missing and if it was suddenly put back obviously she was the one who took it :')