So making a Christmas movie that's a "horror" film is novelty, I guess. I mean, not really. It's been done, but it's not done a lot. The typical Christmas film is always more of a dramedy centered around domestic relationships type of deal. There's a scene where everyone sits around a huge table for dinner and discusses family grievances?? People are wearing fucking sweaters?? Snow!!!! Wait - all of that is in Rare Exports, too? Right? Except...there's, like, a bunch of naked old zombies??
I was excited to see this movie because I read a lot of good reviews about it. Like that it was cool and ~~different~~. And I guess it was? It was certainly uniqueish, and I always applaud movies for being uniqueish, but ultimately I didn't really connect with this. I was just like "huh." for the most part.
I really loved Pietari, though.
Like this is one of the cutest child actors I've ever seen???????????? And he was really natural and good without making me feel uncomfortable. Like, without making me wonder what he had to do, as a child, to get so good at acting, you know?? It just looked easy and he was adorable and I was dying the whole time @ him.
Can we talk about how fucking pathetic and sad his Christmas was???? Look at his breakfast that is simply a plate of fucking gingerbread, which was also all he had for dinner???? And also his dad grounds him?? On Christmas??? Right??? Like I'm pretty sure his dad grounded him on Christmas??? And then also didn't get him any Christmas gifts??? Is Christmas different in Finland?? Like, yeah, I'm sure. But why does it seem especially fucking horrific??? Or maybe that's just in Pietari's household??? Was it because all those reindeer were killed and his dad just couldn't afford shit?? But shouldn't he have bought presents/food earlier??? I just felt soooo bad for Pietari with his little fake pet dog that looks like a fucking dishrag he's dragging around on a leash???
I really liked his relationship with his dad, though, as well.
The actors have the same last name, but I can't figure out if they're real-life father and son, or if Tommila is just a super-popular surname in Finland. They look alikeish, so I'd buy it. Wait, no, I'm sure there's some fucking information on this. I'm going to look harder than five seconds on imdb to see if I can find something. Okay so after 2.2 seconds of more research, I've discovered the director is Onni's uncle. Jorma has to be his dad, right?? Ugh but what if he isn't??!? Give me more information, lazy google search!!! Okay I'm going to very quickly go look more. Like 1.1 seconds more. Okay! I found this sentence on Onni's wikipedia page: "Onni Tommila on näyttelijä Jorma Tommilan poika." That DEFINITELY PROBABLY says Jorma is his daddy, right????? Maybe I'll try to translate it lol. Hold up! Who am I saying hold up to??????????????????????????? YES, HURRAY! I TRANSLATED IT AND IT SAYS ONNI IS THE SON OF ACTOR JORMA TOMMILA YESSSSS. This :') is :") unfortunately :') the best :") day :"))) of my :') life :') :')
So their real-life father and son relationship makes their movie relationship even fucking cuter omg. Like when they were sitting eating gingerbread at the table and Rauno was crying because he lost all that money the reindeer was going to bring in and Pietari was just sitting there feeling guilty and then he asked his dad if he was a good or naughty boy or something and Rauno's little crying ass was like good boys are in bed by now and idk that scene was really cute and even cuter now that I know they're real life daddy and son and I want to throwwww up!! Real quick, though: What was with the 100% absence of ovaries?? It was definitely done intentionally, but I'm wondering...why?? Like, not even any of the "elves" were women. The lack of bitches was super-glaring. Like, yeah, Pietari's mom is dead so okay that explains why there's no women in the Kontio house, but that other Willem Dafoe looking one talks about his wife multiple times but we never see her. Where are the other village bitches? So bizarre.
Yo. What the fuck
was this????
What was Pietari's shitty friend's name? He had like a fucking mullet. I hated him and refuse to learn his name, but what the fuck is this shit he had in his bed?? Oh, wait - no, lol I forgot it's some shit the elves leave when they kidnap a child, right? BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT????! Who made that and why??? Like, I guess the elves, but whhyyyyy. When Pietari came out of his friend's house sort of waving the doll around I was fucking screaming, it was soooo funny but at the same time I was crying because that shit is scary and please don't make a doll like that. There's just no reason for something like that to exist on Earth. Not even as a christmas joke.
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