lol, um.
So I'm a fan of the Rocky franchise. I think I've seen all the movies except for that one with Milo Ventimiglia. That happened, right? Wow. I'm actually upset I haven't seen that one, though, because I actually really cared about Rocky V for some reason, which focused a lot on Rocky's son and his feather earring and, so much, I needed a follow-up specific to Rocky Jr. So much. But in Creed Rocky's son is merely glossed over. Oh, he lives in Canada now and has a "girlfriend" and is "happy"? Yikes. And apparently Adrian died?? Smh, when? In Rocky 6 or like off-screen between Rocky 6 and Creed? Lowkey was this movie like, we only care about Rocky and none of them other niggas good bye!!! ?? But...that thinking just goes against everything that the Rocky franchise stands for, which is: an unnecessary amount of scenes with non-Rocky characters! Hello! WHERE IS PAULIE?! I KNOW BURT YOUNG IS STILL ALIVE UNFORTUNATELY! I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I KEEP TABS ON THAT NIGGA HE IS NOT DEAD YET. HE WILL BE, MARK MY WORDS. HE WILL BE. BUT HE IS NOT YET.
As a fan of the franchise I am upset about how like sloppily they swept away so many significant characters and plotlines lol. But at the same time, we're on the seventh fucking Rocky movie, so...also as a fan, I'm glad they shook things up a bit. Or, more than a bit? I mean, honestly, not really. It's the same formula, pretty much. Underdog rises up to champion. Adonis doesn't win his fight technically, but in every other way he did, right? He got the girl, the glory, love from the random street bums of Philadelphia, etcetc. What did Pretty Ricky Conlan get? A suspiciously racist character overcast. And also probably he's going to prison? What a chav! Creed totally won overall.
So, yeah, basically the same format. They changed it up, though, by having the protagonist be black. Which is random and hilarious but not as much of a stretch as it sort of off-top seems? I mean, Apollo was definitely a major character in the franchise. Did I ever care about him? Hell no. Carl Weathers is a mad awkward actor to me lol. Also his and Rocky's scenes were too gay for me. Look, I love gay, but there's something about homoerotic scenes from the eighties that rubs me the wrong way. It's like, they don't acknowledge the gayness at all. The era of AIDS and super-tight "work-out" shorts, but everyone's ultra straight and manly? Girl, okay.
So whatever, I never cared about Apollo. And when he died I was like *shrug*. A real risk would've been to kill off Rocky. And honestly, by the fourth movie, that should've been the only storyline considered. But Hollywood wants to be all greedy and money hungry so they just kill off the black dude and everyone is like "aww, okay but rocky 5, though??". And then Rocky 5 gets here and it's a mess and tragic and everyone hates it but still Rocky 6?? Okay and you could've still done those movies by killing Rocky. Like, one idea is he could've come back as a ghost??? Or, or!! Sylvester could've come back as the son. Like, just play the son. These are some really good ideas. Hmmm wait, what was I doing? Let's get back to reality!! Unfortunately ugh
So I never cared about Apollo smh this "review" is so Rocky 5 smhsmhmhmsh. Never cared about ol Apollo!! But when I heard they were doing a new movie with Mikey Beej playing his son, I was like, OH OKAAAYY!!! Like, I got excited. Did I feel ashamed of this excitement? You bet your pimple riddled ass, I did!! (ugh) I got really excited. For one, unfortch, I am a Mikey Beej fan. Ever since?? Like when he was on All My Children?? Why? Idk his storyline was really lame and he had cornrows so idk wtf I was doing, but I've definitely been following his career and...he's doing okay. Right? Fruitvale really helped him, because honestly if he only had Chronicle and ¡Fantastico Cuatro! on his resume, that would not be the best look. No shade to Chronicle, though, I love that movie but he is like...not really significant there? He's definitely like third tier in that movie and he plays like the ~~popular black student~~ who's like class president and it's just like, enough. Omg and I'm totally forgetting That Awkward Moment omfffgggg thank god for Fruitvale so I can feel better about caring about him sort of but not really but a little :') :/
No, like, I know Mikey Beej was in other shit. He was in The Wire! But not season four, so................ So!! I've been trying to figure out if Mikey Beej is a good actor. He could be worse, right? It's 2016 and I'm trying to become a more HIV Positive person, you know? So I should be nicer and less condescending? Because karma, and I want Willow Smith to like me, so, like, maybe Mikey Beej (is it bad karma to keep calling him Mikey Beej??) is...a good actor? No, nah. That's going too far. But I see potential. Especially when he yells. I love a good yeller. I loved when he was yelling at that store manager in Fruitvale to give him a job, and in here when he knocked that dude out really quick when he went to go ask Wood Harris to train him and was all WHO'S THE CHAMP?!?! No, I forgot exactly what he said lol, but what's important was that he was yelling, and I was into it. It was good yelling. Also I liked that scene where he said he was nervous and had to poop. They should give MBJ a Globe nom for that shit alone and I'm generally honestly not even playing upset that they didn't. Smh, and they gave Stallone one, right? UM, OKAY.
Writing this, I've decided I liked the movie. Not because it was good, because it was not. Acting was serviceable. Stallone had his moments, Tessa was cute with her mild, superfluous disability--Wait, can we talk about her music? It was dope, right? Like what Lolawolf wishes they were? Sigh, that's not HIV Positive. Bianca's music was...Lolawolf...but better. Yes, positive! A positive sentence and so nice :) So I liked her music and just her general cuteness and sort of wish she and Adonis had more scenes and their relationship was more fleshed out. Like Rocky and Adrian's relationship was so significant in Rocky 1. Like it was just as important as him becoming successful in the ring...but I get that Rocky and Adonis are different people, different lives...idk. IS THERE GOING TO BE A CREED 2, OR NAH?? Because I definitely want/need a Creed 2 despite thinking this movie was lowkey lame and random and cliché but I don't really care and I feel like they set it up so we can get more movies or????????????
Please???
Starting out 2016 begging for more Rocky sequels wow this is going to be a long year. Especially if I don't find out they're doing a follow-up to Creed, and especiallyespecially if I find out Wood Harris won't be in it lol. Did he get new teeth? Has he always had those dick chompers? Actually 2016 might not be that bad. I have something to look forward to in researching about the state of Wood Harris' mouth. Also, it looks like he has an improved hairline?? Huh. Yes, I have some work to do. I'm very excited :')
