Before I Go to Sleep (2014)

Long sigh.  

I clocked Colin Firth's no lip having ass right away. You think because Colin was Darcy in Pride and Prejudice that he can't beat a bitch over the head with a champagne bottle? Think again!! 

That's very obvious, uninspired casting. But this movie was obvious and uninspired, so I guess it was fitting. Good job!! 

So Colin plays hubby to Nicole Kidman (I'm still rooting for your bitch ass, but keep playing), who has Drew Barrymore from 50 First Dates disease. Nice. So Nicole wakes up every fucking day and Colin has to explain to her everything about her life. Lol yeah right. He shows her some bitch ass tape about her life I guess and is all "I'm your husband", and every day Nicole has to nod with her mouth halfway open and just accept that this is her life: she's married to Colin Firth and can't even escape because she's brain damaged and has to rely on him. I would kill myself. Like, if that were me! Imagine waking up every day not knowing whom the fuck you are and then Colin Firth's dry face pops into view like HEY WE'RE MARRIED!! Imagine that. Every day. Now, you would not know it was every day. But one day would be enough for me, no thanks! 

Anyway, turns out Colin's not her husband anyway. Surprise. It was actually almost a genuinely chilling moment when Nicole was on the phone with Anne-Marie Duff and Anne-Marie is like "describe your husband" and Nicole gives her a description and Anne-Marie is like "NOPE! THAT IS NOT WHOM YOU ARE MARRIED TO!!" and then Nicole locks the bathroom door because her "husband" has just arrived home and honestly I am describing it in a way more dramatic way than it unfolded but it was a pretty good few moments and then the movie returned back to being mad boring and I returned back to waiting for it to go off. 

Mark Strong and his toof and bald head were here so at least I got that. Lemme tell ya though, Mark Strong stay in some shit I don't care about. Remember that whack show he had on AMC? Low Winter Sun or some mess lol Mark what do you ever be doing, honestly? Nicole, you too! You're like a legitimate actress, imo, but you just do not be in legitimate shit. Is it you choosing terrible shit, or is this all you're being offered? What is going on. Like you're one of the few ~big~ actresses I feel actually deserves their standing. Though...tbh it seems like they lowkey snatched your throne a bit. I blame Keith Urban's flatiron.