SO YOU WANTED YOUR SHOW TO MIRROR THE NEWS AND MAKE A COMMENT. Bitch. Please. Just like write your little lesbian prison show and keep it moving. Don't try to fucking like...~make a statement~, especially if the ~statement~ is like racial, and no one in your writers' room is even remotely a little bit tan. And like speaking of that Casper-colored ass writers' room: like...this show is just a mess in terms of commenting on race relations and shit. It was wild to me how they had Big Cindy talking about blacks can be racist. Bitch, where? Blacks are like on the bottom of the totem pole, so no. They can be bigoted, but when like every language has a word for "nigger", I'm gonna need you to be quiet on that racism shit. If anything, they're prob just salty that everyone hates them. Shhhhhh...shhh be quiet!!!!
And then also didn't they have a white character commenting on fucking Dominicans being actual blacks? Like yes agreed, but it was just gross to me being said through whom it was said through (i think it was one of those nazis????), and then like...are there any Dominicans in the writers' room?? LOL I DOUBT IT!!
But anyway let me not act brand new. This show has been a mess from day 1, and also it's created by Jenji "the creator of Nancy Botwin" Kohan, so. Like, I know about that bitch. It just...it kind of tipped over the edge for me with them killing Poussey. First of all: that's my bae. Had they killed like Big Cindy or something I lowkey wouldn't have cared as much. I have been bitching since the inception of this mess for them to give Poussey more screen time and more significance with her storylines and I thought this season maybe they would turn up with that. But idk why I thought that, especially when they teased a budding romance with Brook's annoying ass. Like, I should've foreseen they would still be on that bullshit season four. AND THEY WERE!! So yay for consistency.
I was so over Poussey and Brook immediately right away. It was ultra gross. And this was even before Brook was telling Ginger Paula Deen Poussey grew up a crackbaby in the ghetto. Brook is mad annoying?? Like I was feeling bad for her last year, but I immediately went right back to being insanely irritated this season, and honestly, I was glad. I was feeling weird for feeling bad for her last season. Like they really don't want you to like Brook, right? Those are the teas I'm getting. I mean, that whole thing with the sex offender dude? Girl...
Anyway, I hate this show :) Will I still be watching season 5?? UM YES BECAUSE THE FINALE WAS LIT AF!! DAYANARA'S STUPID ASS IS TURNING UP AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!! ugh i am pathetic. Let me just ignore them killing off my baby stud--WAIT BUT WHAT IS TAYSTEE GOING TO DO I AM SO UPSET. No, I'm ignoring it:) More screen time for Vicky Jeudy:) I swear 2 gawd if they don't give Janae more fucking lines I am going to burn this place to the ground. What place? Bitch idk worry about your life and ur career. Is Joanne the Scammer over yet? Pleez release me:)
Okay let me talk about other things sigh why is this shit all over the place. I wish I could write proper so I could make my own ugly TV show. No, that would be really bad. Like a mix between Seinfeld, Cousin Skeeter, Passions, Moesha, Who's the Boss? and Tim & Eric's Bedtime Stories. Tbh, that sounds kind of lit. Who wants that show raise your hand?
Kill.
me.
So Crazy Eyes! Over her. Love her, but she's lowkey dead to me at this point.
1. for killing that little white boy
2. FOR KILLING POUSSEY
She didn't kill either of them you say?? SHUT UP, YOU ARE WRONG. Fuck that little white boy tbh, but she is completely mostly responsible for Poussey's death. Like why won't her stupid ass calm thee fuck down?? Ugh like I don't want to be ugly towards crazies because I'm a crazy and I don't want anyone to be ugly towards me, but...idk. If I set off the sequence of events that ultimately led to my friend getting killed, I would just accept my punishment, whatever that may be. Going to psych, getting lobotomized, whatever. Idk, man. I'm over her. Like, I'm just annoyed at this point. I understand she can't take responsibility but a little bit I feel like she can?? Like if I were Taystee and em I would be done with her ass but okay I guess we gotta keep that ~iconic~ character around. ANYWAY.
Yo but what is up with Caputo?? For some reason I've been caping for his bald ass, but now I'm over him, too. You're going to bat for that guard? WHY WAS HIS KNEE ALL UP IN POUSSEY'S BACK LIKE THAT?? WHY WAS HE EVEN TACKLING HER TWO POUND ASS TO THE GROUND TO BEGIN WITH??? I get that Poussey was kind of attacking him a small amount (please), but like they kept reiterating: she has the body of Oliver Twist. What is with all this brute force? And how dare you like...keep your knee in her back while fighting off Crazy Eyes man i don't understand how this went down. And then this bitch show wants me to feel sorry for him? BYE!! He's just some typical loser white boy who doesn't have to consider anyone because he's at the top of the food chain. Miss me with them showing him feeling remorse for throwing shit at the prisoners when they were cleaning up by the side of the road. Fucking asshole like pleez.
I am so over having to see this guard next season, or Caputo's dusty ass. Like he is being mad lame. I kept waiting for him to wake up and get it together but that's obviously not a possibility at this point, so imma need him to kick rocks.
I'm happy my bae Nicky is back. Am I glad she's back on drugs? No. Can this show give me a break? Me. Let me live. Just chill. For one second of your life: stop.
NononononNO to Pennsatucky and her rapist. He is a rapist. Do I feel like Boo needs to chill her ultra-hardcore lesbian feminazi ass down? Yes, but I am also way more completely agreeing with her than I am like "calm down". I feel like if Boo was less hard...maybe Pennsatucky wouldn't be going back into the arms of that dude? Idk, she's a grown woman, she has her own mind and ideas about things, but sigh. She's also really kind of dumb? I don't think being "nice" and "forgiving" has anything to do with rape, do you? Why are those things even part of the equation? AND THEN THEY HAD HIM BEING ALL WEIRD AND RAPEY AGAIN! Jesus, I hope he's actually leaving because I honestly cannot.
And what of those other guards!! I felt physically sick this season wayyy too much lol. Especially concerning those weirdo, gross ass guards. They're vets from the war, yes? Yuck. Especially @ that one who made Maritza eat a mouse. Like...wtf. And I'm mad Caputo got punked when he tried to put that dude on suspension. Just no at everything dealing with these guards.
But yes to Healy backstory. Please tell me why my loser ass kind of lowkey loves him? He's like mad racist and misogynistic? The backstory...doesn't even help explain lol. But I feel bad for his bitch ass. Also the actor that plays him...lemme go find his name...Michael Harney! Like I love him. He was on Weeds playing kind of an annoying dude but I loved him there, too? Idk I guess I'm into this actor. What is awakening inside of me? Pleez help.
Not here for Maria playing fucking drug kingpin. Like I a little love her and want her to get out of prison so she can go be with her baby girl? But yeah okay so she decided to do this because PIPER'S BITCH ASS got like 3-5 added to her sentence. Is that official? I hope not because omg. But I'm not here for her doing Scarface. She seems cool so it's not gonna be fun to watch her turn into like some crazy mess who won't be useful to her daughter when she gets out and anyway this show is completely fictional what am i doing:')
Anyway remember when this show never existed and I was happy? Lol me neither. Can't wait for seas 5!!!!!!!!!!!
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