I like Brooklyn 99. It's cute and there's a lot of funny stuff happening at any given time. I initially wasn't going to watch it because the ads with Samberg doing his Samberg thing put me off. Like, that commercial where he and his partner go to that electronics store or whatever and she's interviewing a guy and he's in the background playing a keyboard? UGHHHHH. It looked so lame. Like, oh...she's the straight-man and he's the Eddie Murphy or whatever. Except, not the Eddie Murphy because I like Eddie Murphy. I don't hate Samberg. He has his charms. Mainly that he introduced me to Jorma Taccone and that he's married to Joanna Newsom. His charms are other people he knows. UM, ANYWAY, I WATCHED B99 AND I LOVE IT. Wait, I initially said I just liked it. But maybe I love it? All of the characters have a special place in my heart. I love when I love all of the characters on a show. Well, okay, I love when I love most of the characters on a show and only have to tolerate one. SO GREAT!
This brings me to New Girl. Where...toooo...begin. The first...maybe...seven episodes of New Girl were very rough to me. I watched them sort of like "Should I...keeep...going???" I didn't start watching the show I think until the first season ended. I binge watched the first series before the season 2 premiere because I wanted to see what all the hype was about. "Zooey Deschanel can't be tolerable enough for people to be watching every week, right?" I thought. Turns out, yes? So, anyway, New Girl grew on me. I initially really loved Schmidt, then that love quickly dissolved into seething hatred, natch. Nick became my raison d'être. Nick Miller was perfection in my eyes. I already loved Jake Johnson from other shit (Ceremony, No Strings Attached) so it was pretty easy to fall into already love with the character he played on the show. Also my favorite type of male character. Plaid shirted loser who doesn't have a bank account? All he needs now is a depression beard and I'll be fucking set. Actually, no, because the show is clearly trying to move away from Loser Nick and I am distraught. His relationship with Jess is obviously going to ~change~ him for the better. DO NOT WANT. Like, why is Winston probably my favorite character now? Wtf? Season 2 of New Girl was the sweet spot. Or...like, the last half of season 1 to the middle of season 2? THEN I STARTED WATCHING THE MINDY PROJECT AND ALL HOPE WAS LOST FOR THEM.
The Mindy Project is just better in every conceivable way.
Here is a brief list of how Mindy is better than New Girl in every conceivable way:
1. The jokes are funnier/better. I can sit through an entire New Girl episode in almost-silence. I do manage to laugh at least once an ep. This week's ep "Clavado en un Bar" was very laugh-free for me for like seven whole minutes straight at one point. I often ask myself while watching the show "Should I...stop?" New Girl has not reached Dexter-levels of terrible with me, yet, so I shall continue. (I will forever use Dexter as a measure for whether or not I should quit a show. Dexter season 8 bad? Not yet? Keep going.) Things that made me laugh: Winston's hair in the flashbacks and Cece's line about being the one calling the hotline in her phone sex hotline commercial. I don't even know where to begin to choose my favorite lines/things from this week's ep of Mindy. The jokes and gags are non fucking stop. There are too many. Though definitely Peter's King of Queens reference gave me anime squee face. Like, if I am being forced at gunpoint to choose MVP Mindy Project joke...maybe...that one? BUT IT'S SO HARD TO CHOOSE I DON'T WANT TO. Now I understand how Sophie felt. (Confession: never actually finished Sophie's Choice, movie or book. Oh, yes, Baby Jess had a joke about Sophie's Choice on New Girl that maybe I laughed at. It was more about how tears make your eyesight better when you cry. True facts. HAHA. *dissolves into sobs*) Anyway, New Girl would never do a King of Queens reference in such a way that would cause me to yell "Oh, snap!" at my iPad screen without any trace of embarrassment even though I was completely alone and always will be.
2. Danny Castellano. Before Danny came into my life I had Nick (and Adam from Girls but we won't talk about that). Nick was the ideal. But then Danny came about with his grumpy short guy manliness AND I WAS DONE. Like Jake Johnson, I was a fan of Chris Messina for a while before he turned up on Mindy Project. He might have been my whole reason for initially watching the show. Once I saw the commercials with him teasing Mindy in his grumpy, slightly sexist way I was all SHIPPED END GAME. I am still all SHIPPED END GAME. He is perfect. The world is more beautiful with him in it. Mindy would be more beautiful with Danny in her. I want to cut Chris Messina's face skin off and put it over my own face skin and then we will be one.
3. Chris/Danny dancing to Aaliyah. Nothing will ever top this, so. Even if Mindy went crazy downhill in quality (like Dexter season 8 levels of quality) this one scene alone will make up for it. Mindy will always reign supreme just for this one thing alone. Don't even try, other idiots. Can't be topped.
4. All the non-Mindy Lahiri characters are better than all the non-Jessica Day characters. DANNY, Morgan, Peter, Tamra, RayRon, Pastor Casey, fucking Mindy's douche ex Josh. All of them are perfection. Even less-perfect characters like Betsy and "Hugh Grant" have their charms. The non-eponymous characters on New Girl? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Schmidt I barely tolerate. I just can't deal with his whole schtick (schdick - euuuuuugh). Though I do like Fat Schmidt sad flashbacks. Cece, as far as I'm concerned, is deeply irrelevant. It's also painfully obvious that the writers are struggling to make her integral/significant to the plot. CeCe is cute and all...but that's it. Though, she does have her moments. Really, everyone on New Girl ~has their moments~. No one is consistently hilarious and no one can really be my favorite. Not even Nick anymore. Winston is my fake-favorite because the others have just made me so tired with all their shit. Lol, should I just stop watching this show? It's totally cool to be exhausted with characters on a drama (Boardwalk fucking Empire), but a comedy? That like goes against the whole point I think. I don't know, man.
Whhhhhhhhhhhhhy can't Happy Endings just be back? Like, if I could just have a cute lil Mindy/Happy/B99 block on some imaginary channel made specifically for me I'D BE SO HAPPY. Well, I'D BE SO LESS-DEPRESSED. That is a more realistic outcome. :)
It seems like New Girl might be turning a crunchy leaf. So I'll stick around to see what's up (or down, most likely). I like trainwrecks. Maybe it'd be best for New Girl to just become explicitly not-good. Like, just fucking go for it. Because sometimes there are gems and I'm reminded why I watch the shit in the first place. Stop doing gems. Just shit-balls all the time forever from now on always. I can watch near-perfect Mindy, then switch over to feces covered house on fire New Girl. A comedy palate cleanser, if you will. Which you won't.
In summary: Brooklyn Nine-Nine is doing a pretty good job. Thumbs up, guys!
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