Most of the UK shit I watch is vastly superior to anything American TV can produce. This is, like, the clichést thing people say about Brit shows, but it's basically true. There are exceptions. Recently, Broadchurch. Less recently, The Runaway. (Also, there's no UK equivalent to Breaking Bad and I've never seen UK Shameless but I doubt it's better than the American version. Like, I can't even fathom that).
I am only just watching The Runaway now because I was unable to acquire access to it prior to subscribing to Hulu. So good job Hulu even though you have annoying commercials where Mario Lopez's stupid face reacts to tales from "my favorite celebrites" such as Anjelah "I basically do blackface" Johnson and a dude in sunglasses.
Yes, my favorite celebrity: worser Carlos Mencia.
But enough about my entitled, intense hatred for thirty second commercials. Hulu had The Runaway, which I had been waiting for years to watch. I really love Jack O'Connell. Mostly for superficial appearance-based reasons, but also because I like to watch him on screen. Hmmmm...how can I articulate this in a less-creepy way? He's Tom Hardy-esque. Maybe? Def nowhere near on Tom Hardy's level, but he lights up the screen in my opinion and he was the best thing about the whole of Skins (even though Gen 3 had the best overall episodes). But anyway, my sole reason for wanting to see this show was Jack. I had no actual idea what it even was about.
What the show is ~about~ doesn't matter, because everything is terrible. It's always so extra-crushing when a BBC-type show is rubbish. (No, I don't use rubbish in my everyday vernacular but you can suck my dick tho). Like, Broadchurch would have been fine for some dumb ass American show, but this shit was on BBC. STEP YOUR GAME UP. Did you? Seriously? Show me a scene? Where a pedophile simply? Hugs his victim??? AND THEN KILLS HIM DUE TO GUILT OR WHATEVER?? Idk, Broadchurch was almost terrible. It is to my understanding that Sky 1, where The Runaway initially premiered, is a lesser station than the BBC. Is it like...for chavs? Because that would explain the terrible quality of this program I endured for six agonizing episodes.
Should I get into it? Idfk if I want to.
Ugh, Jesus take the wheel.
Oh, you can't? Because you don't have your license? Me either! Oh...your excuse is that you're really busy doing Easter or whatever? What's my excuse? If I said "this blog" would you punch me? Fair enough.
This stupid shit starts off with some dumb shit about some idiots named Cathy and Eamonn. FOR SOME REASON, I thought this would turn into a modern day (as in, like, the sixties ugh) updated version of Wuthering Heights. Because Cathy and Eamonn are stepsiblings involved in some kiddie fauxcest (my new fave word I saw on some blog) relationship. Also, Cathy's name is Cathy like how Cathy's name is Cathy in the book. Also sort of like how Heathcliff is named Eamonn, right? HAHA TOTALLY A MODERNIZED ADAPTION LOL
Blah, anyway. It would have been great if this was a shitty modernized Wuthering Heights piece of shit. I would have loved that. Because I love anything Wuthering Heights and quality doesn't really matter because the story supercedes any harm you could possibly do to it. Shitty acting? As long as the shitty actors are saying all those angsty Brontë words I'M GOOD. But this wasn't that. The Runaway is some other shit. Cathy is fourteen and her mummy is a prostitute. Her mummy is loved up with Eamonn's dad. Maybbbbbe he's her pimp. But he's her pimp in the way that a woman is a prostitute and she gets a boyfriend and then he starts taking her money from her???
Anyway, Kierston Wareing plays the mom.
I fucking love this bag of lips. Love love lovvvvvvve. So beautiful and tragic everytime I see her in something. I believe the two main things so far have been The Take and Fish Tank, two of my absolute favorite things and she's so good and horrible in both of them. And this. She's so good at being horrible. I love everything about it. She and Burn Gorman were like the only acceptable things happening on this show. Everything else was pure garbage. I so want to say Jack was good but I can't see past my rage right now. Like, maybe he was? But maybe this show also asked me to care about Cathy and Eamonn's dumb ass ~one true luv 4eva~ relationship even after he raped her and beat a woman to death without so much as following up with an apology fruit basket. Like, damn, son. You trippin'.
Do I even really want to talk about this show? I thought the girl who played Cathy, whose name I don't feel like looking up because I don't ever want to know, was NOT GOOD. I cared about Cathy when she was in that girls home. I felt sad for her and I wanted her to escape. Once that debacle was over and she abandoned her afro friend to go back to her rapist, I WAS DONE WITH THIS HO. Cathy, girl, no. But I think my Cathy hate lie mainly with the actress. There was just nothing there. Or, I didn't connect with what she was putting out. I think I could have cared more had Burn Gorman's character blackmailed her into marrying him or something which I thought was where they were going with him. I think...maybe this show was adapted from a book? Too lazy to look, but if it was then I guess they worked with what they had. Which was shit.
Speaking of shit: MAX IRONS!
By "shit" I mean THE SHIT. Is Max talented? Couldn't tell ya. He was the only shining spot in Red Riding Hood, but I can't tell you if that's saying nothing or everything. He played Saoirse's ~lover~ in The Host and it was creepy because it looked like he started braiding his pubes right around the time Saoirse's toddler hair had grown out long enough for her mom or nanny or whatever to braid hers. (Wow, what am I doing). Anyway, I love The Irons'. Make gay marriage legal everywhere so my two babies can finally make it official. I love how I am not even talking about The Runaway anymore. Just like everyone else who has seen this show and then when they were finished completely forgot about it and went to go watch something legitimate like The Hour to revive themselves from their current vegetative state.
Me after I finished watching The Runaway:
Actually, no. This makes it look like I had a good, soul destroying time. No, that's^ me after watching, like, Blue Valentine.
*Revised this is me after watching The Runaway:
Yes, Ezra. ...Suicide? Like, I'm like...should I suicide? But not "...suicide?" in a good way like after watching Blue Valentine.
Ugh, I give up.
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