Oh okay. I haven't seen everything he's done but I did like Play Misty for Me (mainly for Jessica Walter, obv), um...Changeling (mainly for Angelina come on) annnnnd that's it. Three movies, out of...way more than three movies. Good...good job lol. I used to like Mystic River but I rewatched it semi-recently and no. Just...just no. Overall, I'm not a fan of his directing. It's just not my taste, I don't necessarily think it's bad. Though sometimes maybe it is bad?????? Anyway, knowing he directed American Sniper was definitely not a selling point. When I initially heard about this film I got excited mainly for Bradley Cooper. But that was a while ago and now I'm starting to wonder why I like him??? No, like, I still do, but I feel like I don't have a reason and it's making me uncomfortable. Anyway, then I saw the trailers for the film and I was like: yawnnnnn. It reminded me of a bunch of other movies that have come out about this particular war. The one with Wahlberg, um...that other one. Where it was like real marines or some shit??? I hated Restrepo. I feel like I'm just like really uninterested in this particular war, film-wise. I loved The Hurt Locker though, but primarily because I watched it as gay porn. If I like any war-thing, it's because they're giving me strong homoerotic tease, and that's it. There's...not that here. Like there could have definitely been, but Clint is lame so...nothing. Whomp.
Anyway, my reasoning for ultimately seeing this movie was whittled down to the fake dead baby.
The fake alive one????
HE'S HOLDING A DOLL!!
I read about this on Buzzfeed or some shit and I was like: YO, WHAT AM I DOING? I HAVE TO SEE THIS SHIT RIIIIIGHT NOW. Then like a month later yawwn I did. Low-key I regret it lol. Nahhh I regret pretty much going to see any movie in theaters. I go to the AMC and it's mostly mainstream shit and it's all garbage. It's just all fucking garbage lol. So, you can tell I didn't like this. It felt sort of soulless? But you can say that about a lot of movies, it's like criticizing a movie for having plot or something. (Is it???????)
I'm confused, though, about people saying this movie was propaganda? How so? I feel like if you watch this movie and think it's propaganda, or you think it's being pro-war...I don't know about you. It reminds me of those people who read The Great Gatsby and romanticize the decadence or think Jay is cool, or that Daisy isn't a dead-inside ass bitch. Or people who watch Mad Men and idolize Don Draper, or thought Breaking Bad was trying to make selling meth trendy or some shit. You're watching it wrong, you're reading it wrong, you're an idiot. Clint...shows Chris struggling internally and to me that's him just telling the story of this one seal. (He was a seal, right??). I don't see him really pushing any sort of views. That's not to say this movie isn't problematic, but it ultimately was going to be if you're only telling the story from the point of view of this one man. Like, that other sniper dude is sort of portrayed as a ~villain~ perhaps, but at the same time I thought maybe Clint was saying this guy was exactly Chris, but playing for the other side? Right? And that's being diplomatic or whatever. Though I'm sure some people watched this movie and got excited when Chris finally killed him, ugh whatever.
So I didn't like this movie because it felt empty and also it was sort of boring?? It felt very ~~serious picture~~, which is BORING. Don't, like, try to make Oscar bait. It's lame as fuck oh my god. And, COME ON, if you're fucking trying to reel in them Oscar nods and shit HOW ABOUT GET A REAL LIVE BABY INSTEAD OF A FUCKING DOLL!! Like, you can't be serious??? It was so obvious and awkward and uncomfortable and distracting and what are you doing???? And you didn't only have a doll, you tried to put a fake CGI hand on it. OKAY THEN MAYBE JUST MAKE A WHOLE FAKE CGI BABY OR??? And then when Bradley was holding it HE WAS MAKING THE HAND MOVE ITSELF??? Hmm maybe he should be given the Oscar solely for that? Like, he should be awarded the medal of honor at least come on that was a bravura performance, pal.
Should I talk about the performances? SURE WHY NOT. I thought Sienna Miller was good and solid and I feel bad for her. Not that she cares, but it's like, the suffering wife roles now??? I feel like she's been smacked on the back of the hand or something and has retreated into time-out or some shit. But, like, I semi-loved Factory Girl and I thought she was a capable It Girl and I want--wanted her to keep that going. You can still be an It Girl post-twenties! It just becomes It Woman or whatever. Or Courtney Love??? I don't know - but you can still be it!! I read some write-up of hers that said she was just picking interesting roles before but now she's just trying to work with respected directors/creative teams or whatever. UGGGGGGh. Fine, whatever. Like, I don't need Sienna to serve it to me in interesting roles, there are plenty of other bitches out here giving me some good stuff, but I was a fan of her more ~wild~ period, so it's annoying to see her be...chiller or whatever. But she was good here in her lame ass role, so yay ugh.
I guess Bradley was good? Certainly not---you know. The Academy Awards don't mean shit, like everyone acknowledges this, right? I'll totally be watching tonight for all horrible reasons (Marion better bring Guillaume), but who wins doesn't fucking matter or mean anything. Like, you can't be serious giving AN ACTING AWARD to Gwyneth fucking Paltrow over Cate Goddess Blanchett, right?? LIKE YOU'RE HAVIN' A LAFF! So it doesn't mean anything, but I'm still always saying shit like not an Academy Award caliber performance..., even though I inherently don't put any stock into these fucking nominations and awards. Halle Berry has a fucking Oscar. Samantha Morton does not. Sam Rockwell does not. Gary Oldman got his 1st ever nomination for his lamest performance possibly ever in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy and it's like - wow you people really don't give a shit about performances and talent, just DID BEN AFFLECK SAY HE REALLY LIKED IT? Oh! okay, cool then, let me bubble in Bradley's name?????
But do I agree with Ben, though?!!!!! Bradley was fine. Like he is in everything. But he's not stuntin' on hoes, and he never will. He's like Kevin Costner with an edge, which is like the worst thing probably ever said about anyone ever. Bradley is playing this guy who keeps shit to himself and it's hard to have a really juicy, interesting performance playing someone like that. You have to give eyes, you have to give little tics. I guess Bradley had some tics??? Cool coool. I thought his accent was horrific, but I've also heard people actually speaking like that and maybe Chris actually spoke like that??? I thought it was really try-hard, though. A lot of Southern accents are more subtle, unless you're from like those deep-country ass places and rarely interact with civilization. I also had a problem with...I wanted to laugh out fucking loud at that ending sequence where Clint is trying to portray that Chris has gotten over his PTSD by helping out other vets. He's on his way to a shooting range with one of those vets, who ultimately ended up killing him, and he's saying goodbye to his family and it's the fakest shit omg it was like a parody. He's walking around the house with a pistol and pretending to shoot at his wife?? Who does that? And she's like laughing in a summer dress and it's a fucking Valtrex commercial, straight up, b. And then Chris makes fun of his son in a playful way I guess and he says some idk playful shit to his fucking daughter gag ugh it's the worst. LOL THEN HE'S LEAVING AND SIENNA IS LOOKING AT THE VET LIKE SHE CAN READ AURAS OR SOME SHIT OMG IT'S THE MOST TERRIBLE SEQUENCE EVVVVVEEEER. Like, I shouldn't be laughing. No, not that I'm wrong for laughing, I mean the scene should have been better. Not been filmed at all, I mean. And then the movie ends like: "Chris was killed by that guy Sienna was staring at extra hard that day." Coolcocococl. Ugh, low-key this movie might've been terrible??? The most effective bit shouldn't have been the real-life footage of Chris' funeral. And then please don't show me a picture of what he looks like and he looks exactly like Chris Pratt and Chris Pratt exists and you could've fucking hired him??? I would've been so much more here for this shit if Chris played Chris. Ew stop underestimating Chris Pratt, it's making me uncomfortable. And stop overestimating Bradley Cooper???????? And maybe Clint can full-stop period or???? Watch he die like tomorrow and then I have to feel awkward for writing that. But also, secretly, like I have powers??!!? Am I a teenage witch like I've always dreamed up? Can I sneeze or wink or whatever and my outfits change at whim?? Pleeeeeease give this to me!!
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