Becoming Jane (2007)

The first time I saw this movie I thought I really liked it. That was circa 2008ish, when I was still a ~teenager~ and knew basically nothing. Like, I didn't even know about Ben Mendelsohn back then! I had never seen/been ruined by any Bergman or Fassbinder films! I probably still thought Garden State was not an entirely embarrassing effort! I was but a wee baby. Now I am calloused by life and by Bergman and the knowledge of Mendelsohn's existence all the way over in fucking Australia where I can't lure him into any basements because I don't think they have basements over there in their horrifying fucking spider jungle. Also, I've seen like twenty thousand different versions of Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre and a bunch of other ~romantical~ period dramas since, sooooo...I can't like this movie anymore. 

But rewatching it as a hardened twenty-five year old, one fact has emerged: I like really love James McAvoy. 

Alright, alright. I'm annoyed it's taken me this long to like...lovelove him. I've always liked him. He's just like interesting and good and that's inarguable, but I was never obsessed with him. BUT WHY??? He has all the ingredients, what have I been fucking doing with my life?? Idk, man, but I didn't start realizing I was developing a ~thing~ until I saw Trance and inexplicably really loved that mess and he was like the main reason. Then after I saw Trance I forced myself to watch some horrible fucking cop film he was in with Mark Strong and it wasn't because of Mark Strong that I watched it? Like, omg, do I love James more than Mark Strong wtf is happening??? So whatever now I really love him and I have to watch everything he does which is apparently a ton of shitty cop films??? ("Review" for that Filth shit I just watched yday coming up yay ugh die). 

So anyway on my second go-round with this movie I really loved James dressed as a fucking leprechaun the entire time and basically that was the only reason. Anne Hathaway is here playing Jane Austen and it's whatever. I'm not a Hathahater, but like solely because of my love for Rachel Getting Married. Like that's the only thing keeping me from being like "ugh, just stop" every time I see her face. She'll never be able to ruin her turn in Rachel Getting Married for me...in my...heart, ugh. Um, but she's not bad or whatever. She's a mostly good actress, just sort of annoying, yeah? Which totally worked in Rachel Getitng Married, but in a lot of other things maybe doesn't??? Anyway, I don't really have too many complaints for her here. Like, I think people complained about her accent here, but it's not egregiously terrible to me. It wasn't distracting, so I'm good. 

Diddddddddd Anne and James have chemistry???? Gonna go with a no on that. Though they sort of tried, and that's...coooooool. Wait, but why did I like this movie the first time I watched it, though??? I think it was all the little faces James/Tom would give Anne/Jane. His little...idk, puppy doggish ~I feel romantical towards you~~~ eyes

Sort of like that??^ Ugh, I watched this on normal human TV so I couldn't (illegally??) screencap anything, but google gave me this^. Basically this^, him^^, that face^^. It's everything and it happens a lot and <333

But Tom is a dick. And it's ~problematic~ for me. Like when we first get him and Jane in a room she's doing a reading and, admittedly, it's hella obnoxious. Tom is all like "Jesus, there's writing on both sides?" And I was like EXACTLLLLY, OMG. But lol he should maybe keep those comments to himself??? Like, maybe don't be so loudly grousing about this bitch reading? lol it's rude as helllllll. And then he falls asleep omg. I would never fall for some dude who fell afuckingsleep while I was reading aloud some horrible stream-of-conscious esque bullshit I wrote. Like, HOW DARE YOU, SIR. DO YOU LOOK LIKE THE FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS TROLL??? 

I sort of hate this trope of Rude Dudes with 'Tude who sort of blow through like lil' tornadoes into these ~repressed~ ~uptight~ women's lives, ~shaking things up~. Like, EYEROLL. And Tom is hella condescending. Like, he says Jane can't be a proper writer because she hasn't had any experience. (?????????) Like tell that to Emily Dickinson, my pal. Did Keats have any fucking experience?? He was like twelve when he died, come on. Just everything about him was super annoying until they started making eyeballs at each other. But, like, did any of those aspects of his personality suddenly disappear just because they were ~making love~ to each other??? No! So I'm not shipping it!! And then you have this pussy nigga choosing his inheritance over Jane - like, what??? You really want me to root for this mess? Oh, okay, you give me some weepy bullshit about how he supports his family siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Like. Tom. said. He can fucking get a job?????????????????? And what's with this self-defeatist ass attitude from Jane basically determining they'd always be poor? BITCH, SELL SOME BOOKS! Come oooooonnnnn. Like I can't even feel sorry for them because this shit is stupid. Just be together, figure some shit out! Jane aren't you like some strong, powerful feminist?? What's the damn problem??? Ugh, just annoyed @ everything. 

And then that ending.

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Who does this?! Who names their daughter after some bitch they used to fuck???? IT'S NOT OKAY. It's creepy ashell, bruh. And awkward as fuck. Omg I really need for this to happen to me in my life jesus this is amazing lol. 

Jane and her sister never married.

Teh dne.