Okay, so, obviously: Fiona. She married that dude. With the fucking beard and guitar and writing music for fucking, idk, app games??? OKAY. Wait before I even get into talking about how fucking disastrous this marriage will turn out: DID ANYONE ELSE SUSPECT THIS DUDE WAS A STRAIGHT-UP MURDERER? He seriously was giving me the creeps. Like when Fiona went to his apartment that first time, I was very Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost. NEVER MAKE ME BE WHOOPI GOLDBERG IN GHOST, SHAMELESS. But he didn't end up murdering her or forcing her to watch him take a shit, so...I don't know what kind of vibes I was getting. Or maybe...MAYBE HE WAS JUST BIDING HIS TIME. He's gotten this reckless bitch to marry him, and now he will pounce. OH GOD IF THEY PULL OUT THEIR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CARD I WILL BE SOOOOOOO HAPPY!! Sad for Fiona, but happy because domestic violence is like in my top 3 for stories!! 1 is incest, 2 is...SIDS and 3 is domestic motherfucking violence! violence!! Wow, this...what am I doing? Anyway, that dude is not going to start beating Fiona. What's going to happen is...what usually happens. Fionay shit. I mean, we already got that ending where she's having the realization she made a huge mistake. But I'm wondering if both of them will try to force it, like...be unwilling to acknowledge they fucked up. That would be interesting to watch. And then, of course, Jimmy will show up. Right? Like, they're doing that, right? That's what that Asian woman stalking Fiona at her job is about, right? IF IT'S NOT I'M GOING TO BE ANNOYED. I hate this show for forever dangling that Jimmy carrot, and I hate myself for being one of those crazed Jimmy fans. Wait, no, I'm not crazed. But I feel like the creators get annoyed with people who are like: WHERE DA FUCK JIMMY AT?? And their annoyance lends Jimmy "fans" a serious borderline-psychotic label. Like, this show is about The Gallaghers. WHATEVER, SHAMELESS CREATORS. I mean, you love Mickey so fucking much. Why aren't we allowed to really love/hate Jimmy/Steve???! ugh!
Lip. My fave. Don't know what they're...trying to do. I was thinking they were trying to show how...Lip doesn't fit in with his neighborhood anymore, but he also doesn't fit in with Amanda's people. But then they had him bonding with Amanda's dad over his engineer project car thing... I'll just wait. I feel like Lip is in an awkward stage this season because he's not in school. So they're like, how do we keep going with this Bad Will Hunting storyline off-campus? I mean, I think thus far they're doing a good-ish job. The shit with him working at the construction site reminded me of Ben Affleck's ~big speech~ in Good Will where he tells Matt Damon to stop being a loser or whatever. Except no one tells Lip that. But his body hurts really bad and he gets a lot of blisters??? And he totally quits to go hang with Amanda. But is...is Amanda supposed to be his Minnie Driver? lol because no. No but are we supposed to be legitimately shipping them?? I can't tell, but I don't want to! I mean, ugh, she's better than Mandy. Who, by the way, please be gone forever uggggh
Ian & Mickey, because they go hand in hand now at this point, right? But also, they always have??? I just read an interview with the two actors who play them and I was horrified and embarrassed and felt uncomfortable but also I got really excited about what's going to happen with them. Obviously Mickey will have to face reality and acknowledge that Ian is sick, and in the interview I read they say how Mickey is helpless and doesn't know what to do and that this is a new thing for him, being unable to help people he ~loves~. But it's like, where was all this strife when Mandy was getting her face rearranged by BLACK BOYFRIEND?? lol, okay, I'll ignore that because no one gives a fuck about Mandy. I swear to god the next time she turns up it'll be like a shot of a newspaper: Girl Found in Ditch. In...Kentucky or Missouri or wherever the fuck she moved. And then whoever is reading the paper will shrug. Like, we'll get an over the shoulder shot of shrugging. I hope it's Lip's shoulders. But I'm excited for how Ian and Mickey's relationship progresses, or...what's the opposite of progress?? Recess?? Wait, no. Wow my head dictionary is shit. No but recess works, right? Recesses? Ugh now I'm thinking about Spinelli. She was a lesbian, right? LIKE SHE WAS A LESBIAN, RIGHT??
Debbie. SIGH. So she finally swiped her v card (STOP!!!!!!). And she, like, raped her virginity away. Apparently. That dude she fucked (raped)...I don't care if it was rape. He was weird for hanging out with a fucking thirteen year old goddamn girl. That's what you fucking get - NEXT!!!! Lip was all "that dude is weird, I don't think you should be hanging out with him" when Debbie told him that he accused her of rape and I was like YESS!!!! lol, ugh, what a loser. I really hope we don't have to deal with his doofy gööber face anymore. Like, do you deliver pizzas? Are you a 33 year old Latina boy??? Come on, son!!! But I'm really excited for this season Debbie. I'm...horrified that she is no longer a virgin, but I don't know. Ugh. Do what you want. Even if you're barely out of kid-age. And Debbie seems...I don't know, not...traumatized. She really wanted to lose her virginity and she did and mission accomplished yay!! Yay??? No, yay. Totally...yay. And can we talk about her cute ass new haircut, or her punching that blonde bitch in the face UGH, I LIVE!!! So I'm excited. I'm excited to be less worried for her well-being than last season. But we'll see. Also I'm excited for this new potential kick-boxing boo of hers. LIKE, LET'S DO THIS!! No. These are children. oh goddddddddddddddd
Carlos. I love Carl. Also he's like twelve years old and it's one of those situations where I feel sad about it. And then I have to feel creepy - deservedly so - about my sadness. It's wonderful!! Anyway, I'm worried about Carl being a drug dealer. I don't want any Carl in Jail scenes. ACTUALLY, NO, CHANGED MY MIND, I FUCKING ABSOLUTELY NEED THAT IN MY LIFE. Like, if there was just an Oz Jr. type spin-off with Carl OMG MY GODDDD PLEASE GIVE ME THISSSSSSSSSSS ARE YOU KIDDDDINGMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. But if Carlos doesn't go to jail I'm excited to see whatever horribleness he will get into selling drugs. Also, will he accidentally become good at maths?? lol, no, that's...that's not even remotely what they're doing here lol. BUT NICE TRY, ME!! Sort of want to see Carl being kingpinnish, though?? Want to see Carl ballin'. Want to see him in like tracksuits and heavy gold chains weighing his dainty ass neck down. Need it! Please, let's go, Shameless. If you're not giving me Carl getting sodomized into a loving relationship by his ambiguously blasian bunkmate in juvie, at least give me Carl walking around in tracksuits and fresh ass kicks rocking gold chains and getting robbed by Soulja Boy or whatever. PLEASE!
Who are the other ones? Oh, right, Frank. Do I want to talk about Kev and V first? Maybe. I don't want them to break-up. But I love how they're giving me that ~mom detached~ from her babies storyline. Anytime I see this in movies/TV I get excited. I don't know why. Maybe because it's not...the common narrative? lol but I've seen this a lot and I feel like people talk about this shit all the time so...it totally is??? Anyway, I'm excited about V not being excited about her kids. And vagueishly cheating on Kevin. Also I'm excited Kevin's hair is gone, but...I don't know about this nearly-bald shit. Steve Howey is a weird-looking dude. Like Frankenstein but...a cartoon? And sort of...cute. ish. I don't know. REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS ON REBA? REMEMBER REBA? I can't believe that show existed. And for like forever. And that I watched many many episodes of it. And also, there was like a random Hispanic kid? Wasn't that son like Mexican?? Reba was a fucked up show, man
And then Frank. Let's talk about how Sheila is finally gone. FOREVER, RIGHT? I was starting to hate her for her treatment of...what the fuck is Frank's daughter's name lol omg. Is it Sammy? Or is that her fat kid's name? ANYWAY, DOESN'T MATTER. lol she doesn't matter. No, but I like her. And I wasn't here for Sheila treating her like garbage even though she's totally super annoying and her bleach job makes my teeth itch. So, Sheila's gone. Frank is homeless, non? Due to blowing up Sheila's house and for being a tragic, horrible person in general who doesn't deserve to live anywhere?? But Frank is Frank. He'll figure some shit out. And omg @ him blowing all that money. But hilarious most of it went to help out a bunch of limbless kids. But omg @ him, like, trying to take one of their legs away to sell on the black market?? Frank is seriously irredeemable. Sometimes I get mad that he, like, exists, but then I just remind myself it's sort of awesome to have a character this reprehensible on TV. And now I need a multi-camera comedy detailing Hitler's first year in "office". Has this already been done? I NEED IT. No, omg, I need an Auschwitz comedy. Like, in the camps. No...what...what am I actually fucking doing.
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