But at least I have Norma and Norman at the center of the show and at least I have Freddie's confusing ass robot acting as Norman and Vera's I don't know what the fuck acting as Norma. Like, this show is forever giving me subplots and characters I GIVE NEGATIVE ONE MILLION CARES ABOUT, but they always eventually circle back to creepy scenes between my favorite mother/son duo lol and then I forget about all the other horribleness :) usually :)
What I want from season 3, and what I better fucking get:
-WAYYYY MORE UNCOMFORTABLE ASS MOMENTS BETWEEN NORMA AND NORMAN. Hello, Bates Motel creators, I'M WATCHING THIS SHOW FOR THEM. Wtf is Dylan and the marijuana business subplot bullshit AND ZANE AND THEN ZANE'S FUCKING SISTER BITCH AND THEN LIKE NORMA TRYING TO JOIN CITY COUNCIL OR SOME SHIT AND THEN THOSE RANDOM RICH PEOPLE AND THEN MICHAEL VARTAN WAS THERE FOR SOME REASON??? AND ANYTHING TO DO WITH BRADLEY??? OR THAT OTHER BITCH WHO WAS BEING ABUSED BY HER DAD??? UMMMM SO WHAT??? SO WHAT LOL WHAT THE FUCK what are you doing? Honestly? No, honestly, what the fuck are you doing? Why is this show not almost 100% focused on the shit going on at Bates Motel? Why are we all over the town all up in everyone else's business when I don't too much fucking care about them??? Does anyone who watches this show care about all these random characters? DOES ANYONE CARE ABOUT DYLAN?? HELLO WHAT THE FUCK
-WAY LESS DYLAN. no, look, a little bit I care about Dylan. He's Norma's fucking son, and she has weird ~chemistry~ with him, too. So if you give me scenes between the two of them where there's this extremely inappropriate sexual tension THEN DYLAN AND HIS TEETH CAN STAY. But I don't care how Dylan makes money, and also I feel uncomfortable that he's supposed to be some sort of thug??? lol Bates Motel. This is honestly the whitest fucking show I have ever seen in my life. This is whiter than the fucking Brady Bunch. Like at least some of the niggas on that show had fros, and come on Peter was a straight-up fucking g. But this show? LOLLLLO NOOOO STOPPP NOWWW
What happened with Dylan's ~~dad~~ aka Norma's fucking brother?? He left, right? Or no Norman killed him?? ugh i think. CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW QUICK DYLAN WAS TO BELIEVE HIS ~~UNCLE~~ OVER NORMA?? Why the fuck does Dylan hate Norma so much? Look, we're gonna need WAYY more fucking backstory on their relationship if you're gonna get me to understand wtf his angsty ass problem is. I know Norma is fucked up, BUT LIKE DID SHE MOLEST HIM DID SHE BEAT HIM?? His anger feels disproportionate sometimes, but then I'm like how does it feel disproportionate when I know literally nothing about what happened between them in the past. My guess is Norma was always distant to him because of who his dad is. Which I guess that was spelled out to us last season...I think actually on the finale?? BUT WHEN DYLAN FOUND OUT EVERYTHING HE WAS STILL PISSED OFF?? Right? Didn't the finale end with him like running out the house? Ugh, he is tiresome. CAN HE JUST, LIKE, FUCK HIS MOM??? lol ugh Like why can't he get out all his anger and frustrations with some nice hate sex?? THIS SHOW DOES EVERYTHING WRONG IT'S THE WRONGEST SHOW OF ALL TIME EVER. And now I'm hella jealous of people in Bizarro World who have like a perfect version of Bates. It's just like all scenes of Norma and Norma screaming at each other, then playing terrifying old-timey songs on the piano, and then they take naps together, and sometimes Norma wakes up and Norman isn't lying beside to her and she freaks out but then she goes downstairs and he's cooking up some human elbows or whatever on the stove for their breakfast :') and do I :') think :') Norman is :') Hannibal Lecter ???? :') god I can't wait til Hannibal comes back like I won't even care about Bates anymore wow I wonder what sort of mommy Hannibal had before he ate her
-do something better with Emma? I like Emma. She's a cutie pie banana boat and I don't understand why Norman is always getting involved with all these messy hoes who have him getting arrested for shit when nice, non-annoying Emma is standing right there in front of his face with tubes up her nose. HELLO, NORMAN, YOU GD IDIOT. Norman's consistent ignoring of Emma lowkey makes me hate him a little?? Like if I were in high school I'd be all over that cystic fibrosis ass. Whoa no this has taken a dark turn. But seriously Emma is like the only non-Norma or Norman character that I legit care about and yes please if you want to give me Emma subplots please do BUT HELLO CAN YOU BRING BACK IAN HART AS HER TAXIDERMY FREAK DAD HELLO HE IS AMAZING. ugh can I just get a spin-off series with Emma and her dad ugh did he die like where is he or??????
-oh I also love Nestor Carbonell as Sheriff Alex Romero. like, first of all he looks like Anthony Perkins, right?? That's all I ever see. So like for that reason alone I just love him. Also he was on Strong Medicine and for some reason I thought he was always going to end up raping that main doctor?? The one he was dating?? lol i don't...know. He gives me really creepy vibes, but like hot creepy vibes. Much Ted Bundy tease lol. But here on Bates I love him because he seems to hate and be suspicious of everyone and I love how he never doesn't have an attitude with Norma lol. But he thinks she's cute and I totally ship it but I don't know how far I can ship that mess because he 100%%% knows Norman killed that teacher bitch. Like how awkward would it be to date some bitch who had a murdering ass son and he murdered some bitch whose...case...you're...working on???#policeprobs
Hmm, SO MORE ALEX ROMERO PLEASE IS WHAT THIS...BULLET POINT WAS ABOUT lol
Annnd that's it. More Norma/Norman creepiness scenes. Like, that needs to be AT MINIMUM 70% of this fucking show. Then the other thirty percent can be taken up by Sheriff Alex throwin' shade, givin a lot of side-eye, Ted Bundy/Tony Perkins tease mixed with a little Cleopatra tease, right???? lol no ummm and also Emma. Throw some Emma having to run somewhere from someone but she can't because she's got that fucking oxygen tank. But don't have her die I'm not here for that please don't get on my fucking nerves, show. And then like a little sliver of that 30% could be, idk, scenes of Dylan crying on the toilet. No dialogue. Maybe he's looking at a pic of him as a baby and Norma is cradling him and that's the gayest thing I've ever written please do it now ugh why can't I write this show welp it would've been cancelled because honestly it would probably just be all scenes of Norman fucking Norma's corpse. Vera would play a great corpse. No shade I love her as an actress lol I'm saying she can play anything great including a corpse. Especially a corpse?? News at 11
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