"Who the fuck is Keith Purcell?": Crazy Love (2007)

First of all, NO. 

But before we get into me saying NO in all-caps and sternly underlined, let's address this "Keith Purcell" monster.

Apparently this nigga's name is Keefe. Brasselle. WHO THE FUCK IS NAMED KEEFE FUCKING BRASSELLE? WHAT KIND OF MONIKER IS THAT, FAMILY?? According to imdb, "Keefe" was born on the seventh of February. My birthday is the fourth. Shit, are we soulmates?? If so, bummer, 'cause this nigga is dead. Imdb tells me he died in 1981 "prob due to being a fucking alcoholic" - quoted, verbatim, from his imdb page. Such an Aquarius lol

Here's a cute factoid from Keefe's imdb page trivia section ugh: "A New Jersey nightclub in which Brasselle had an interest, burned down in July 1961 under suspicious circumstances". Here's another fact!!!: "Was rumored to have connections to the Mafia. Brasselle himself bragged about his mob ties." Also!: "One time worked as a professional wrestler." And apparently he was in A Place in the Sun but I do not remember him at all; not that I would have been looking for him, as before I watched this documentary, I had no idea he fucking even existed. Oh, he played "Earl Eastman". Who the...fuck...was that? Monty's daddy?? His bro? Did he have a bro? I absolutely do not remember that at fucking all lol I've seen that shit like 3 times. Okay, whatever, who cares lol what am I doing with my life

So Keefe worked with Burt Pugach on some likely horrifically terrible movie titled Death Over My Shoulder. It's one of those titles that has zero activity on its imdb page - no stars, nothing. Now, maybe it was simply shelved and thusly no one has had the chance to see it. But why was it shelved? I blame Keefe. What kind of fuck ass name is Keefe? You can't be a matinee idol out here walking around with the name Keefe Brasselle. Too dandy. Too many eees. You need to add a hard inanimate object to your name. You know how Rock Hudson had Rock? Maybe make your name Keefe Cinderblock? Boulder Brasselle?? Yessssss--uh, well, no, it's too late now. Also, both of those names are really bad. Like how your life probably was no shade. Wow! Am I still talking about fucking Keith Purell?? It was just something I was laughing at really hard in the movie because his name was continuously being brought up like he was Cary Grant or something. This nigga wasn't even Peter Lawford. He wasn't even that fucking John Garfield replacement, what's his name, Don something? DANE CLARK. He wasn't even fucking Dane Clark! Like, why is everyone in the movie going on and on about him like that lol it was...sigh...just really amusing me. The movie, however, was less than. Actually, this doc is sort of comical throughout. There are a lot of really ridiculous people giving interviews, and like all of them are old, so they clearly don't give a fuck and are not filtering shit. 

So, sigh, this documentary is about Burt and Linda Pugach's ~crazy~~ "love" story. They meet in the fifties, I believe, when Burt is 30ish and Linda is like 18/19ish. Burt sees her sitting on a bench or some shit and is all "I have to have her!!", and the rest is *toilet flushing sounds* history. I feel sort of a lot bad for Linda. I relate to this sort of passive "whatever" attitude she had in her youth that caused her to fall in with the likes of Burt. Though my attitude will probably land me in hopefully a nice, cozy insane asylum, Linda's lead her towards getting lye tossed in her fucking face. We all end up the same who cares it's not a fucking competition, Linda!

I'm not sure, though, that there's any thing Linda could've done differently that would have kept her eyeballs intact. The minute Burt set his sights on her - that was it. Though his obsession with her, in my opinion, seems to have come a lot from the fact that Linda refused to sleep with him. I wonder if he would've eventually lost interest and left her alone had she? An argument for the sluts! No, this is an anti-slut shaming blog~~ But, most importantly, an anti engaging creepy dudes who send flowers to your house when you didn't too much even give this nigga your address blog.

Linda tries to get away from Burt several times because he's a liar and clearly insane. Burt always gets her back, I guess, but when Linda becomes engaged to another man it hits Burt she's really getting away this time. So he hires a pack of blacks to toss lye in her face - mission accomplished, her fiancé dumps her, Linda is "damaged goods" and alone. Well, mission semi-accomplished, because Burt's dumb ass is caught and sent to jail. 

I was sort of feeling positive feelings when they talked about how Linda sort of took charge of her life after being burned. She moves out of her mom's to an apartment of her own and continues to go to work every day, even though only one of her eyes works, barely. She paints beautifully. Oh, and there's a trip to Europe, I think, where she gets a ton of play wearing black shades the whole time. For some reason I was excited she hadn't gone totally blind and was going on trips and shit. I forgot I already sort of knew how this story ended. I remembered reading about it a lot when the movie first came out circa 2007. I guess I was just trying to push it out of my mind that Burt ultimately completes his goal and ends up fucking marrying Linda. 

This documentary is really fucking disturbing. How does this man have the power to single-handedly ruin this woman's life like this? Are you kidding me? And then he gets a "second chance" and this asshole is still out here harassing bitches and disrespecting his wife--and HOW THE FUCK WAS HE RELEASED FROM PRISON?? This is bullshit. And ugh at those talk shows that had Burt and Linda on, with Linda in her fucking ever-present dark ass sunglasses talking about how Burt is a "great husband". HE BLINDED YOU, BITCH! Just. 

There's no way I'm buying they "love" each other. When Burt got out of prison he was still obsessed with Linda - that's not love. He's a psychopath and has no concept of what that word even means?? Linda married Burt only for security. She doesn't love that lunatic, but hopefully what she said about their marriage being a punishment for him is true and she nags this nigga to death. 

Here is one of the talking heads from the movie, I forget who this guy was. He knows Burt, I think. What he says about him in the caps below made me laugh, but also feel deeply unsafe. *Danny Castellano voice* "Chilling". 

wait but is he talking about me tho lowkey//??