Monday, March 23, 2015

Bully (2001)

So Bobby Kent shouldn't be the most likable person in the movie. Well, at least until Leo Fitzpatrick shows up and totally steals the show. But, excuse me, like I said, the eponymous "Bully" should not be the one the audience is semi-siding with. Like, I shouldn't be thinking things like "Well, if Brad Renfro wasn't so dumb and snivelly...maybe Bobby wouldn't have to...beat him??" right??? Like I shouldn't be laughing and agreeing when Bobby shouts at Rachel Miner/Lisa that she has an annoying ass voice lol. 

Or, idk, maybe this movie doesn't have some express purpose like that. Like I highly doubt Larry fucking Clark cares about likability in his characters, and certainly he doesn't care if I accidentally end up not completely hating Bobby Kent. I mean he's absolute 100% trash, but wow Marty IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING. LIKE I JUST REALLY UNDERSTAND WHY SOMEONE WOULD WANT TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM ALL THE TIME THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING. 
I MEAN LOOK AT THIS IDIOT. HE IS SO FUCKING IRRITATING OMG. And just so endlessly, tirelessly not-smart. Like some of the characters refer to Michael Pitt as a retard, but the true mental defective is Marty. He's like the king of idiots. Like all you need is that one scene where he's rapping to the Eminem video on TV. He's how I imagine literally all white fans of Eminem are, and especially the ones who live in fucking Florida. "THEY ALWAYS CUT OUT THE BEST PARTS MAN I HATE THAT SHIT." You're a loser, Marty. Get your priorities in order. Ask for more hours at the sub shop, get your hairline together, put a fucking shirt on - these are just a handful of urgent things that are demanding your attention at present, not fucking censored Eminem music videos that look really cheesy now and probably were just as terrible when they first came out?? God this movie is hard to watch just for the super-crass, embarrassing ass early-aughts aesthetics. Ugh I am so dead ass fucking serious writing "early-aughts aesthetics" I can't fucking believe it omg. But seriously the fucking flipped up frosted tips on the gay tweenks Larry has dancing all over this movie and like everything
Bijou Phillips is wearing/doing. And omg she completely pulls it off but I...I just don't think that's a good thing, you know????? 

So sigh this movie is based on true events, I think. Like I've done negative zero research, I just took the end credit updates
as fact that this movie is for real. Also it's set in Florida, right? So if this particular story isn't true, I'm sure something exactly 100% similar happened in that fucking state, just with different people/names. Or, maybe even the same names. There are probably so many white trashers named Bobby and Marty having these exact same homoerotic frenemyships. Beating the shit out of each other and whoopsie my dick slipped inside you during our tussle I guess you can forget your Metamucil this morning lol. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. 

Bobby and Marty have been besties since 4ever, and they work at a sandwich shop together and it's just the best bromance. Except Bobby is a meanie and like always hitting Marty and, idk, pal...prostituting him or whatever??? Like renting his booty hole out for tricks or whatever?..?.?. Lisa asks Marty several times I think why he allows Bobby to treat him the way he does and I had the same fucking question. I understand it's difficult to flee from abusive relationships...but...I mean, couldn't...Marty maybe just not return this dude's calls?? Or??? Actually I think maybe he said he tried to quit Bobby once but...he wouldn't let him?? Sigh I just...like if this was a woman talking about why she can't escape her abuser I'd be all sympathetic and shit. No, even if it was a man, like even if it was literally anyone else besides Brad Renfro omg he is just...so....ugh lol. Like oh you're a surfer ugh please fucking KILL ME!! Omg and when he throws that little temper tantrum at family brunch or whatever, screaming that he wants to move or SIGH CAN THEY AT LEAST BUY HIM A CAR?? God he is just...lol i hate him so fucking much :')

So anyway Marty deci--actually, it's crazy ass Lisa, right? Who decides their only way to handle Bobby is to kill him?? 

1. What's wrong with these kids? Now, they are definitely all incredibly, magnificently unintelligent. That's presented as fact to us. But there's something else going on, right? Something darker?? Or is this just how Florida-living tsunamis your soul??? Fine. These kids are the way they are because dumb, and Florida. Also in the movie...Larry sort of shows how uninvolved their parents are. Like Bijou is out here suctioning her pussy lips on any surface she can find, while her parents are chillin' back @ home taking care of her kid??? Whoo. Now there's someone who needs "disciplinary action" placed upon them. Am I suggesting Bobby do the job? NOOOO!! Anyway, he's dead, so. 

2. Since when do people just decide: "lol okay murder!"???????? Like, who is out here just deciding murder is the answer?.....?? I mean, I guess these idiots??? But you can tell only Lisa and maybe Marty are really legitimately serious about it, while the other kids are sort of just followers, going along for the ride, and just being really ignorant to how serious it is to take a human life? Or something haha!
Like. And who would help out their friend if they just came up like, "yo i want to kill this dude I don't like"? NOT FUCKING ME. NOT. FUCKING. ME. But I see what Lisa tried to do, luring Ali over to Bobby's house so he'd rape her and she'd have a reason to kill him; to want to help. And then I guess we get Michael Pitt and Kelli Garner to tag along because they're friends of Ali, and also very very dumb. Dumber than Marty, perhaps, but I don't want to really say that because at least they are mildly not as annoying as him and somehow that makes them seem smarter??? Also Michael Pitt had some funny moments, so. So what? Idk. But anyway! I guess! I can see!! How!! They got this crew together. Lisa comes up with the idea, convinces Marty, then they get Ali raped, so now she's out for revenge I guess if they implant it in her pea brain well enough, and she gets the tweedledummies to help because they're tweedledummies and I'm not even sure she actually had to convice either of those druggies. But how did Lisa convince her cousin? I guess he's the only one who doesn't make sense?? He's also one of the first ones to snitch after they commit the crime so good job vetting the kill squad.  

3. But...Lisa tells, too.....?.? To that bitch who works at Pizza Hut. 
Secretly the true star of this film. Like, Nick Stahl, Leo Fitzpatrick, Michael Pitt, Bijou Phillips and Daniel Franzese all have their moments, but it was really Nathalie Paulding's movie, playing the role of Claudia, bitch who works at Pizza Hut. Just her complete, lowkey disdain of all things Lisa really filled my heart with synthetic joy fibers. 

But lol anyway Lisa tells, too!!
And her eyebrow *shudders* is like that^. God Rachel Miner's eyebrows. Do they not totally encapsulate the early-aughts aesthetic? Or protracted late-nineties aesthetic?? When am I gonna kill myself tho????

4.  Hey
Why did Bobby spit on that mirror...and then, like, not clean it off?? That really grinded my gears, so I was pretty happy when he was stabbed a bunch. Don't leave shit on mirrors. It's gross. Who  do  u  think  u  r

5. Glenn from Nashville without his hair hat shout-out

6. Yo, what was I doing with this numbering...

7. or my life?

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